Committed Love: Escape It or Live It
I just need to put some thoughts down...
Recently, my wife whom I love dearly has told me more than once "she cannot go on living this way." Instead of wondering why giving all my love is not enought to make her happy, I am going to try to verbalize what my mind knows even if my heart wants to blame myself.
Unconditional love or committed relationship is not a trap one needs to escape. That is a perspective controlled by oneself. For example a 2 mothers each has a child. This child is difficult, screaming, doesn't communicate he needs well, is a challenge understanding how he relates to his surroundings. One feels the incredible stress and becomes more and more aware of the sacrifices she makes of things she enjoys or dreams she has had, all because of the responsibility and demands this child's relationship puts on her. The other mother embraces her child, looking for ways to learn more about him and guide him as best she can through the unique challenges in his life. She sings lullabies at night and caresses his face and back out of love, unconditional love. She also is aware of the stress and sacrifices but uses it to feel the bond with that child. She knows God has laid this challenge at her feet with the knowledge she can meet that challenge and nature this blessing He has gifted her with. She is thankful and feels blessed for this "burden" God has seen fit to give her, while the other mother feels she desperately needs to escape. A few mothers actually go through with it. The commitment puts the same demands on these mothers but is viewed and acted on differently not because of something being different in the environment but because of a difference in perspective and attitude.
The above example is taken from the life of my wife. No, she is not the first mother, but the second. Our youngest has been a tremendous blessing in our life and we love him dearly. She has provided him with love and commitment that has rewarded not only him, but her. We have worked together to overcome all obsticles, each adding to the other's strengths so that the sum of our parenting as a team far outstrips what could ever have been achieved individually. What I don't understand is she has the correct perspective on her commitment and unconditional love for our child, but she feels she must escape what she explained are too different personalities in our marriage.
The answer is within her, the example of which is her own attitude and actions concerning her relationship with our son.
Recently, my wife whom I love dearly has told me more than once "she cannot go on living this way." Instead of wondering why giving all my love is not enought to make her happy, I am going to try to verbalize what my mind knows even if my heart wants to blame myself.
Unconditional love or committed relationship is not a trap one needs to escape. That is a perspective controlled by oneself. For example a 2 mothers each has a child. This child is difficult, screaming, doesn't communicate he needs well, is a challenge understanding how he relates to his surroundings. One feels the incredible stress and becomes more and more aware of the sacrifices she makes of things she enjoys or dreams she has had, all because of the responsibility and demands this child's relationship puts on her. The other mother embraces her child, looking for ways to learn more about him and guide him as best she can through the unique challenges in his life. She sings lullabies at night and caresses his face and back out of love, unconditional love. She also is aware of the stress and sacrifices but uses it to feel the bond with that child. She knows God has laid this challenge at her feet with the knowledge she can meet that challenge and nature this blessing He has gifted her with. She is thankful and feels blessed for this "burden" God has seen fit to give her, while the other mother feels she desperately needs to escape. A few mothers actually go through with it. The commitment puts the same demands on these mothers but is viewed and acted on differently not because of something being different in the environment but because of a difference in perspective and attitude.
The above example is taken from the life of my wife. No, she is not the first mother, but the second. Our youngest has been a tremendous blessing in our life and we love him dearly. She has provided him with love and commitment that has rewarded not only him, but her. We have worked together to overcome all obsticles, each adding to the other's strengths so that the sum of our parenting as a team far outstrips what could ever have been achieved individually. What I don't understand is she has the correct perspective on her commitment and unconditional love for our child, but she feels she must escape what she explained are too different personalities in our marriage.
The answer is within her, the example of which is her own attitude and actions concerning her relationship with our son.
Replies
It took me 2 years to finally face the fact that I can\'t make him stay if he wants to be elsewhere. Usually, when they have their minds convinced to leave, there is another person involved. :(