Commitment
I think with any commitment we make in terms of our profession or relationship with a significant other,
we can still expect to grow as a person and spiritually. It’s not necessarily a death. In fact it's real important to stay alive and all that goes with it in order to thrive... I think.
Replies
I was listening to a reading during meal time here in the cafeteria and the person talking. in the reading was asking about 'why was he born?' 'Was it to fulfill some ideal?' And I thought so I’m assuming to procreate? Or to be a saint? Or be a monk? He talked about death too.
his words came after I started to think about needing to keep growing in life. That commitments didn't necessarily mean stunting.
But it also made me think how I told my aunt once
that for Greek people, being a member of the clergy was the absolutely best thing you could do in life. A kind of ideal!
Then I was eating dinner with my Godson on Friday, he mentioned out of the blue that being a monk or a priest is like
the highest form of your life manifested. (Another notion of the ideal coming to me about what I am choosing to do.)
I saw that it was a pressure within both of us (my godson and me) maybe? Is it due to a fear of breaking out individually? Or is it a true reasoned
vector for me to follow? It certainly simplifies things- but proposes a variety of challenges - like each profession does I suppose.
There's kind of a sense of powerlessness at times..
I was talking to a young man today who is a visitor here at the monastery- he is 18 years old -he was raised Catholic but was recently
baptized into the Orthodox faith. He's doing a pilgrimage of as many orthodox monasteries on the East Coast that he can get to.
He is also thinking about becoming a monk or a priest - but he's just in the very beginning stages of exploration -
I said 'no rush - take all the time you need to decide this.' 'It can take years...and you're only 18" -and 'You can get involved in the church
life in many different ways - whether you're a lay person living a life with your family all gathered round the community - or being a priest or monastic, there are many ways!'
We had a good talk. Physically he was a little frail but mentally strong - kind - and conversant.
I thought about myself how I have weakness like this young man had or whatever you want to call it - 'not ideal' manifestation of biology - but we are both making
our ways in the world and he deserves respect and kindness.. Ime too! I really hope the best for him!
At my favorite watering hole in Westminster, later today, I heard someone talk about their retirement. He talked about his plans but then said he’d have a few weeks soon with nothing planned. The other person said ‘you’ll be footloose and fancy free?’ He said "I’ll be 'free to pursue wonder’ is the way I’d like to think about it!"
I liked that a great deal. A great way to couch it!
I came back to my cell and I think I get into a place in my head of pure safety, of pure peace, (and then get scared and double check myself)
when in fact if I think to allow myself those thoughts in my life - a good check on this is that I just am ‘ok enough’.
It's the reality I need to have to keep calm and carry on. If I really looked around at what I have created here - a good life yes - but financially
very vulnerable and dependence on some higher ups I have issues with. I suppose, like my friend Jodi said "we all bring shit"
So perhaps when I go into happiness in my head - maybe it's all just enough to be at peace and enough to feel safe.
Maybe a false sense of security - but for the moment ok security enough :)
I do think I would like to be around and create something of excellence. I'd like to get back to work to have some additional income.
I'd like to be allowed to do a lot of stuff for myself that currently inspires guilt because of where I am living heh.
But things are good. I gotta get to meal prep now.
I'm starting to think I want to build something where I am investing in the future.
I'm not just thinking about saving money - but about building relationships
I think maybe also the monastery might be a very simplified place, where the aim is to live in a constant state of
grace and community and is designed to reinforce that. I know we each have our own ways about things
and the job of our lives is coming to terms with our own ways and others' ways in our lives.
maybe I have found a place I thought was right for me for the kind of person I am - ?
I'm not sure but there's things that are right for certain people that are not for others.
There's no judgement going out there for myself or others - different kinds of lives
for different people.
Big hug sweetie
It would be difficult at times to be living with personalities that you don't really jive with and you'd perfer not to be around so much
I know I've worked with a couple of surgeon's that if someone said that you also had to live with would have me considering jumping off a bridge!!
I have no doubt it can be really challanging at times
Big squishy hug...xo
Thanks Janet <3
I think what I’m learning tonight too in the spirit of learning to take care
Is that when i experience these mood shifts and stuff, i realize i have to be my own physician. I have to stop and decide how to take care, , what to do and how to interpret when in fact my mind is the thing that is not working. A paradox but I’m wearisome and taking satisfaction from doing a good job at that.
I think your mind works amazing even with some crappy challanges sweetie
Big hug...xo
Thanks Janet !!<3