commitment

I've have a nervous side to me that has made decision making an issue for me.

I have been afraid of commitment until later years when I decided to commit in a true

draconian way. It was time for me - my decision was.

I'm sitting here in my living room - and I am noticing how my inclination is to sybaritic pleasures

because fighting my own nature in order to get things done is so immense - I then turn to pleasures

in my exhaustion and not knowing or difficult in knowing as to what to do. It's the easiest way to go - pleasure.

But I think what's coming to me is that allowing for this nature within - to allow for pleasure

for those times where I am "HUMAN" and not completely a stark image...I think maybe now I can think

of commitment to 'an idea' or 'a relationship' or 'profession' makes more sense. I once heard someone talk

about it as "knowing what you're signing up for." It makes sense. I like working and I like pleasure

but perhaps in measure I don't need to set a RULE measurement that wouldn't allow for a personal

dose of humanity...when you need rest..