Commitment
It is looking like the guardianship of the GK's (8 months, 3 and 6) is shifting our direction. The shift include termination of parental rights because the parents are still providing more problems than solutions in the care of their children. I think. If I am hearing the bureaucratic mumbo jumbo well. Functional fact is that I have pretty much closed my ears to that romantic drama and am on a holding pattern of waiting for judicial dictates from the family court network. My heart can't handle any more slings and arrows from the Chicksplainer Network. Whatever the evers of those whats, the family court judge has decreed that the protective custody will continue with the addendum that Hubs and I be certified for foster care. The child advocacy lawyer is questioning the sustainable welfare of the children in the care of the maternal grandparents. She does not believe it is an emergency situation, but she is investigating the viability of moving the children here, a 3 hour drive removed from that body of yaddah blahs. GS starts first grade this year. As I type, we have less than two weeks before the school semester starts here. 2 weeks isnae much time in the bureaucratic family court process. Prayers in progress. . . However cumbersome that bureaucracy, I am grateful for its guiding presence in this multi-generational trail of tears. It makes more sense than yet another round of doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Same old shit, different media format.
Am I ready to commit to my husband's co-owned inheritance? The co-owner (his brother) seems okay with the work we have done here and ? ? ? Well. . . I wish my BIL was easier to read than the parents of my grandchildren, but life is as life is, not as we would have it. The operative fact is that Hubs and I are feeling comfortable enough here to be able to envision taking on the challenge of providing foster care for 3 young children. Emphasis on "challenge." Parenting isnae ever easy. Foster care is even more challenging, even without remote dictates from dysfunctional parents, however dynamic their VR connections. Virtual hugs and typeface expertise willnae calm a realtime crying baby. VR wisdom doesnae fill the belly before the school bus comes, either. VR can pay the rent, but the parental units haven't unlocked that formula yet. "Work" is still my favorite name for that formula. All play and no work makes the user dumber than their phone.
Venting. . . Sorting. . . Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
Prayers and support needed and appreciated.
Replies
Arfie,
I am sorry you are going through all that court stuff. I went thru something similar with my ex's son's mother.
I wound up raising him from 9 till 25-then I left my ex and he stopped talking to me, I don't know how you handle all you do, I only hope to be as strong as you. You are lucky you have your grandchildren. I haven't spoken to my estranged daughter in several years so I don't know if I have any or not.
The court system is never easy and I find most of the time they put the seeking party thru just as much if not more stress. I've often wondered why...as they are the ones stepping up to the plate to raise the children.
You are lucky you and your hubby can work as a team in this. Sending prayers, strength, and clarity thru this trying time for you.
BB
You have my prayers and support! I've no words for the commitment and challenges ahead for you and hubby. I can only hope that somewhere in the possible transfer that 'respite' for you both is added into the mix of all the other red tape, that will most likely will happen and will need to be jumped through...coming only from my own experience when I represented myself in court for sole legal custody of John. I also hope that a stipend will arrive with the court decision as well as a foster parent. I wanted child support, never got a penny, had to have a dna test to prove father?'was' in fact the father? donor...eventually I did get social security, he never had to pay a penny for support. Easy to be a 'father' or 'mother', Very Hard to be a "Mom or Dad'.
Thank you, my sisters-in-healing. Your support is priceless.
In my strictly personal herstory, the courts and CPS (by whatever name) are easy to separate. The social worker network has helped me since 1972 when I showed for my first therapy appointment a few months before my 18th birthday as a drug addicted prostitute living in the U.S. throw away kid camps. Avoiding and staying out of the courtroom dramas and "Institutes of Higher Learning" of my criminally dysfunctional birthright is one of the major points those over-worked and under-appreciated angels have helped me with. My meanest courtroom encounters were as a mother. As a mother, I worked with the judicial summaries rather than against them.
My *kids* are no longer children in the eyes of the law, They haven't been for more than half my maternal life. Their courtroom dramas arenae mine to sort. I'm still working with that network of over-worked and under-appreciated angels.
Addendum:
I wish I was being sarcastic about the not-so-simple fact that my birth family called prison, "The Institutes of Higher Learning" Just wishing. Here in that confusing time between naps (reality), the nickname still holds, 3 generations later. I havenae found the courage to do the research, but I suspect it was a family tradition long before my parents passed the tradition forward.
Triple hugs of prayers and support. Fostering will indeed be a uniquely challenging endeavor from parenting in general. I’m glad your grand children have you and hubs in this tragic situation to provide the stability and love and basics of a young life for them.
Thank you, Dreamer. Prayers in progress that Gampy and Gammy can provide those simple gifts in this complex family mosaic of broken lives. Just wishing the do was as simple as the say. Letting G.O.D. lead the dance. Yo. . . Gnarly Old Dickhead! ! ! What tune are we dancing to? Just curious. I vote for The Beatles Tune, "All You Need is Love." Just voting. I doesn't need to know the tune to let you lead.
There are quite allot of recovering foster children and foster parents in my therapy support network. I have provided just enough family planned foster care to have just enough insight to scare the fucking shit out of me and make me believe that those court orders are my greatest hope in this family drama. Viet Nam Era Vet reporting for duty, Ma'am/Sir.
I’m voting with you. I think that would be a great tune. Xo
Arfie, this is certainly a huge challenge, but I believe you will be up to it. Prayers and support as you go through this maze. Hopes for the best outcome for all concerned. Hugs all along the way.
Huge hug for you Arf…… This is a massive undertaking that I can't imagine doing.... You are awesome!!!..... You and your family are in my prayers......xo
Sending hugs of support and peace of mind.
Thank you, guys. I find myself somewhere between enchanted and terrified. I still haven't gotten a chance to know the baby and I sure do love my grandbabies, but. . . Aren't I supposed to be able to give them back to the parents after I spoil them rotten?
I'm wondering if I have I slipped into a manic episode. I couldn't sit still with all the pending questions and ended up driving 2 hours north to splurge $386.oo on a dozen new hens. Manic binge, or no, the splurge brings the flock up to 16 hens. They fill out the coop with plenty of room to spare. Tonight's roosting show was extra lively. I've been itching to push the check-out button on some heritage turkey poults for a good while now. Hubs is fanning the flame on that one. Might do it. . .
Arfie, the grandparents spoiling then returning them to parents is old school. Today's world is filled with grandparents raising their grandchildren. Just a major shift that has occurred. Sorry bout that. Comforting hugs.
Hugs and lots of support Arfie as you sort this one out with the aid of the judicial system.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law face similar situation with my step niece and nephew who are arriving today after the mother went..., I’m not sure I’m can find a nice way to put it..., I’m still livid about what that woman did to my niece. Having issues doesn’t cover my ex-sisters-in-law, but she’s made my husband’s stepbrother’s life a living hell.
Best wishes and lots of luck, my dear friend. Hugs and love Arfie!