Coming to terms

Last night, one of those nights that you almost cringe thinking about.  We laid in bed and talked, talked about the reasons for my infidelity.  I asked for this conversation to occur, when all of this first happened a little over 12 months ago, I wasn't able to give any response besides "I don't know" to 99% of what my wife was asking.  I honestly didn't know or rather didn't know how to convey it in words.  Over this past year I've become more aware of my emotions and emotional responses, and have gotten a better grip on exactly what they are.  It still bothers her and she hasn't been able to let it go because Ive given her zero closure.  I decided I felt comfortable enough (and felt it would be a great test for my "not lying") to give her that closure last night.  It was tough, tough as hell to hear the things that I was saying to her, to say those things without wanting to run and hide and lie like crazy.  Damn it I did it though, I made it through it, my answers were slow but they were honest.  After our discussion I felt great, it was nice to let go of all of that but it was even nicer to know I did it without lying.