Coming to an understanding - yet AGAIN
Well, here I am checking in to this site again - - -and actually creating a journal entry! It has been since last October - - I have been up and down with this again and still struggling. I have to again come to grips with the fact that I CANNOT WIN! Gambling is a losing proposition and though I am intelligent and successful in many areas of my life, this is not one of them. I can't get it through my thick head, I guess. The word I'm thinking of finally is ACCEPTANCE. I've always been a fighter and I keep fighting - - - actually the wrong cause. I'm never going to win the "big" jackpot - - - I am out of this, as of NOW - very tired of the circle, again. I know better and just have to permanently change and stop wasting my time!
As you can tell, I'm very unhappy with myself & though it doesn't happen too often, it did this weekend; all of my rational thinking went right out the window and I ended up there not one but two times, trying to win back losses. It's so ridiculous - just hate myself for it and enough of this self-pity. I'll just pick up again TODAY and start again.
I will attend a GA meeting Wednesday night and see if I feel any better... this has just got to STOP forever... it's so stupid and disgusting to me; even the people; there was a man there yesterday who was so rude to me I can't begin to tell you and I see all of the less than happy people around me. I don't belong there and know it; I'm kicking this addiction FOR GOOD... I'm done - whatever it takes to get rid of it I will do it this time.
I'm embarrassed writing this - still - it has been about three years since I found this site and I still haven't solved the problem... today I feel ashamed and angry with myself, which I know will get me nowhere fast. :]
On to more positive thoughts - today I WILL NOT GAMBLE! ODAAT
Smokeygirl
As you can tell, I'm very unhappy with myself & though it doesn't happen too often, it did this weekend; all of my rational thinking went right out the window and I ended up there not one but two times, trying to win back losses. It's so ridiculous - just hate myself for it and enough of this self-pity. I'll just pick up again TODAY and start again.
I will attend a GA meeting Wednesday night and see if I feel any better... this has just got to STOP forever... it's so stupid and disgusting to me; even the people; there was a man there yesterday who was so rude to me I can't begin to tell you and I see all of the less than happy people around me. I don't belong there and know it; I'm kicking this addiction FOR GOOD... I'm done - whatever it takes to get rid of it I will do it this time.
I'm embarrassed writing this - still - it has been about three years since I found this site and I still haven't solved the problem... today I feel ashamed and angry with myself, which I know will get me nowhere fast. :]
On to more positive thoughts - today I WILL NOT GAMBLE! ODAAT
Smokeygirl
Replies
Hi there, I am not on this very often as I am not struggling but I sure do feel your pain. I know what it\'s like to kick yourself and ask \"why do I keep doing this\". I don\'t seem to have the urges anymore with gambling but now food is an issue. One day you will have that ah ha moment and realize it is just a circle and you can\'t win. I think it helped me to keep track of my wins and losses and write them on a calender and at the end of the month total up the losses (always losses) and realize I didn\'t want to spend my money on this. It came out to cost me 30 to 40 dllrs an hour for this entertainment and that is not acceptable with my income. I had to rationalize because I am tight with my money and then I thought about all the things I could have done or bought with this money. I knew I was never going to come out ahead or win the big one and came back down to earth knowing I needed to be happy with life each day as it comes. I hope you get some help. hugs barb
Thank you, Barb! I\'m so glad you saw my post... Great for you that you don\'t have the urges but then again, we all seem to have some sort of issues to work on. What would we do if we are all perfect? :] :]
Anyway, hugs back to you & nice to hear from you.
Take care,
Smokeygirl
Hi Smokeygirl....let it gooooooooooo....today is a NEW day....I am you You are me...we are good people but make bad choices...this is a wicked addiction...a good friend on here told me...I am a CG..I can\'t bet because I can\'t win because I can\'t STOP...that\'s me...so 340 days ago I hit rock bottom FINALLY...please let me know how your meeting on Wed goes...take care and HANG in there this too shall pass...HUGS Becky