Coming out of a 2 years coma after Smokey dying

It feels like I am coming out of a two years coma after Smokey died on Nov. 15, 2009. I think I went into a freeze or something.  I think slowly I am coming out of the deep freeze of feelings and emotions.  I am so hormonal these days with the menopause thing and all.  I have had no period since my last one on January 2011.  I can cry at something slightly sad or sweet.  The other day, I watched Gene Simmons & Shannon Tweed's wedding day and cried when they said their vows.  I am normally not that emotional at things.  Go figure!  I am still babysitting Tyson and sending out my resumes.  I hope something will come my way soon or a major breakthrough in winning the lotto- ha, ha, ha!  Miracles do happen but I wish they would happen to me.  It feels like there is a black cloud following me no matter what and the worst one was when Smokey died.  I know things will go up and improve as it is a matter of time.  Smokey was so sweet to me.  I don't know if there is another guy out there for me or not but I have not met him yet.  I think Dave is a rebound thing for me.  Without Smokey i was so alone and did not do too much but with Dave in my life at least I get some sort of sex life.  I can't see it lasting forever either but for now it is okay.  Slowly this relationship is starting to pinch me.  We shall see how long it last but the walls are closing in now so it is a matter of time.  Don't feel sorry for me.  I knew it was going to be a short ride with Dave.  I had the forever relationship with Smokey.  If I got another one, it would be a miracle.  I am playing it one day at a time with everything in my life.  Thanks for listening as sometimes I just need an ear with no answers/solutions or problem solving.  Thank you for being here for me.