??? coming out from private entries (long entry)

So, we've already established that semester break was a disaster.  That's not what this is about.  Instead, as the title implies, some questions are coming out from the (very) painful journal entries I've had to make privately that I feel need to be left here.
It seems like a lot of my worst emotional traumas and scars are coming from incidents and the like that in truth I really never had much of a say on...out of my hands, as they say.  I certainly wish there are some things that I had done differently, but now that I've written a few of my scars out, the following is coming out.  They don't need answers now, but it's something to think about:
* A holiday party incident while I was an accountant in which a senior staff member got drunk...the actual incident didn't take place until I left, but when I found out about it my heart shattered instantly.  I don't know if I've conceded this before, but the only two vices of which I can claim to be free -- drinking and smoking -- seem to be the two I can't tolerate in others.  But why?  Do I have standards for other people's behavior that can't possibly be met...even by myself?  And why is it I seem to care about the behavior of other people -- who are not me, if you guys know what I mean -- a little bit too much?
* There has been a perpetual feeling that I have a lot of lost time to make up from these scars...but isn't there a high price coming with that?  Doesn't it seem like my own personal standards are too high?  And yet why I do feel so afraid to lower them, other than I don't want to devolve into an idiot?
* For those who don't know: In addition to depression, I've had issues with Asperger's Syndrome (it's mild but high-functioning autism) and cerebal palsy (which has since become arthritis) since very early in life.  For what felt like forever I thought someone had inflicted these things on me.  I know better than that now, but I still feel defined by them...why?  And is that even appropriate?  If it isn't, how should I be defining myself?
* Aftereffect of the HS scars: During college, during pretty much everything else that's followed since, I've basically hid from people (you can argue plausibly that only my DS friends and a couple of select others know my true colors).  This is because the major trust problems is just being imputed to pretty much everyone else I see, even though it's clear as daylight that the people I never want to see again were out of my life 15 years ago.  I know trusting people all the way isn't a good idea, but blowing them off without giving them even a chance to say a word isn't very healthy either methinks.  So how do I work through that to just become neutral on that front (which would be good enough for me)?