colorful vent.......hugs to you & your kin!

*note to viewers, this post is a vent of crabbiness & frustration.  do not read if you may take on some of the mess i am feeling in this moment, walk away.....run - take cover at the nearest calm safety station until the beast leaves and the lovely girl who used to reside in this host body returns.........promise me, pinky swear that you will.............save yourself!
must resist anger, must resist.........i feel like Captain Kirk sitting at the helm on the deck of the Enterprise.  Do you remember the cadence of his voice?  Slow, deliberate, determined.........m u s t   r e s i s t. probably some kind of mind control engineered by Romulans.
i gotta a lot of angry ol bear in me this mornin'........feel cranky, frustrated, tense.........wearing a wounded paw t-shirt that says GOT PAIN.
you'd think somebody stole the sun, the moon, the stars, my stash of honey and all the tunnels leading to a great escape in China. 
my brain hurts, i want to howl and it's not even noon.  not party howl, more like a big bad wolf ......owooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. GIRL MISSING, WEREWOLF OF LONDON FOUND IN HOME, NEWS AT 11!
how to get around, under or through it........still working on it.
told myself to empty the dishwasher last night.  i know that the pain at night is typically less than in the morning.  yesterday i was fibro tender........the kitties stepped on me and it felt like they were snapping bones.  not sure why fibro ramps up so high on some days........but it has a lead foot when it comes to acceleration.
i know this is boring as blue bananas to the non sick........i'm sorry.  i apologize.  i can't think straight.  yesterday i changed the kitty litter. for some reason my sense of smell is up on high.......the litter box stinks ...........could i be coming down with a migraine?  sometimes they bring on a heightened sense of smell.  i sprayed febreze BUT IT isn't fast enough........get me outta here!
Rio was underfoot when i put my feet on the floor this morning......meowed and meowed and meowed as i tried to navigate into the bathroom........normally kitties know to give me a wide berth in the morning, but not today.  Rio was on my feet, in my slippers, tightly prowling the carpet in between my legs.  he was very naughty.  why is he so anxious? 
does he sense the storm in me?  the one about to come outside? maybe..........annie is calm enough, she sat on the bed and watched the scene unfold.......heard me fuss at rio................
rio took off faster than a souped up camaro off the start up line at a quarter mile race track in south georgia...........zooooooooooooooomed away.
i am currently choking on the air.  must be the incoming storm.  oh goooody gooody.  last night the local news asked us to text in if we prefer the previous years of drought or this year's constant rain.  WHAT?  seriously is this the question?  all of these poor farmers struggling to make a living due to either circumstance and they ask this like we have a way to control or change things?  can i get a capital s - capital t - capital u - capital p - capital i - capital d.  what's that spell?  stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!!
the price of local produce has gone through the roof............people can't afford to pay the higher prices and the farmers can't afford not to raise prices so they can feed their own families, it's a mell of a hess. 
so ... how to get rid of this cranky bone......the elephant stomping through my head.  well i overdid it this week-end.  knew it would cost me time to recup.  accepted it, but when it hits it gets harder.  and then on monday waiting for the dish dude, i cleaned.  not super crazy cleaning, but enough to knock me off my safety pedestal. 
the dish dude replaced some old parts outside that the last guy didn't.  he reprogramed stuff & changed out some doohickies indoors too........the shelf holding the equipment FELL TWICE, once while the guy was here, and then again later that night.  i need to bolt that sucker in the cabinet.  why is it so delicate at times?  ya got me. (that was not fun, luckily the receiver box did not break.......)
this morning somebody furry knocked over a vase ........water everywhere, delicate little roses scattered...........pretty sure it was darling Annie, cause she finds plants irresistible.  i left it on the table without thinking...........so i set her up.  my bad........seriously now that i think about it, it was like leaving catnip on a crystal platter.........not her fault.  it's the fault of this foggy headed cranky old typist. 
the last journal i posted?  it was the watered down version of a journal written after i lost three journals in a row.  i got it in my head that i needed to post some positivity in the world, but couldn't stay on track long enough to step by step understand what i was doing.  had zero concentration visibility due to heavy brain fog.
i knew then that i wouldn't be driving for a few days.  one (or both) kitties knocked over the water bowls and the dry kitty food.............ugh.  kibble mixed with water stuck on a floor is not a fun clean up on aisle five. 
today is farmer's market day.  last night i wrote myself a note to go and get some fresh melon.  today i think i need a fresh melon where my head sits.  can't decide what to take for my head. is this a tension or stress headache? is this an incoming storm headache?  are my neck and shoulders gonna hurt forever?  it hurts way down deep in the bottom of the diamond V in the middle of my back.  .......reasons to date a massage therapist.............trying to find a funny note within all this grousing.
what happens in DS stays in DS right?  so if i can vent good and loud then i can park it here and go on to better after while.  if i put on my robe i can get the trash down the driveway before the storm hits, i can ice my head and hide under the covers until i have a calmer kinder disposition.  if i were the boss of me right now, i would hand me a pink slip............i got a big bad attitude.  i wish i could hire somebody to have a temper tantrum for me.  i can't get back up if I lie down and pound my little arms and legs, but i bet there is some actor out there who would be glad for the work........! 
trying to readjust my cranky pants dial..............and get a grip.  straighten up and fly right.  maybe a shower would help, that's one of my stock in-home go to's for just about everything......maybe the steam would help? 
it's only ten minutes later and the sky has grown even darker........i'm not naturally crabby.......this is driving me nuts.  see i know that the anxious energy that comes from negative emotions and pain ramps up the situation even higher...........so i know i gotta leave it here, right here on the page.  i can't afford to stay too happy.......too sad, too angry or too mad.............cause all emotions have a negative impact on chronic illness.  and here it is, big fat angry rain drops .......no not on my face, OUTSIDE.........plop, plop, plop........shoulda taken the trash out first. 
wow, the rain is impressively loud.........another stormy day in Georgia.  i'd like to text a punch in the nose to the local news team..........why can't they just ask everyone to take a moment daily to pray for the farmers?  even with all my wicked whining and complaining i know enough to do that..........wow a raging whining complainer who brags about herself, seriously i should stuff myself in the trash after i duct tape my own self congratulatory smugness.  i am mad at me first.........taking freshman accountability for anger 101.  Please Lord, do not give up on me today, help me up and through this......I got a lot of sinner sinner going on.  Where is that actor who is gonna take over this tantrum anyway?  If he thinks just because there is a big bad storm outside that he has some kind of excuse not to show up..........why I oughta punch him in the nose! 
signing off for now..........thinking a long time out in bed is just what this oscar the grouch stand in needs..............i am gonna let loose with one long howl..............and then toddle back to bed.  it would serve me right to go stand out in the rain for about ten minutes. that'd cool me down............love ya, your friend 'ol grouchy gert!