Cole on my mind again

Dear Ezra,

I hate this so much.  I want to forget about him and move on, but that feels impossible.  All I can think about is how painful it has already been with him ~mostly~ out of my life, let alone cutting him out completely.  It made me spiral just thinking he didn't look at my ig story.  When he finally did, I felt so much better.  I can't believe I'm still this hung up on him 4 months later.  

I really want to see him again, but I know that's pointless.  I am happy with Stephen, and he wouldn't want to date even if I were single.  Nothing would or could change right now, and I hate that I feel like I'm holding out for that moment when it could.  I miss him so much it hurts.  I know I'm not the first girl to go through a breakup, or whatever this is, but I hate this feeling.  I wish he would reach out, but I also know that would be a bad idea.