Clonazepam and Rapid Cycling
This morning first thing I did was call the Crisis Center and ask about the side effects. They told me to come in so that they could tweak the meds without taking the Buspirone. So without any anti-anxiety meds in me I drove up to the Crisis Clinic. I was fine when I got there, no real anxiety, I felt stable, in that I wasn't thinking I would get all anxious or anything and I was thinking very rationally. They took me in and I saw my temporary pdoc there. He took me off the buspirone and gave me a 7 day prescription for Clonazepam to see how I do with it. Once I got it I took my first dose right there at approx 4pm.
I started driving home, at around 4:20pm I get pulled over by a cop for speeding and driving in the HOV lane (I didn't realize it was during the HOV time). Before this point I wasn't feeling any effects from the Clonazepam. However I immediately noticed a major effect from it when I got pulled over. Normally when I get pulled over I get LOTS of anxiety and I work very hard to keep it all bottled in for the cop. This time however I felt downright FINE. I knew I made a mistake, I knew I would pay a fine, why worry myself over it? The cop must have really liked my attitude because he just gave me a warning on the speeding and I have a small fine to pay on the HOV violation. I even thanked him for helping me test my new anti-anxiety med. He laughed at that and let me go.
Later after I got home I started feeling some side effects. Dizziness, sleepiness, and loss of coordination. So I really wanted to go to bed, I had to eat so I felt dizzy while getting food for myself, and the whole time I was having an oddly difficult time opening different cupboards. Eventually the side effects passed though. After a while I noticed that I didn't feel particularly calm, but I clearly was. Like I would sit down and while my leg wouldn't shake I could feel it wanting to. Almost like I was half anxious and half relaxed. It was a very bizarre feeling.
Later I went to karaoke with my boyfriend and some others. Someone decided to sing "I Gatta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas" and I got very into it! I was singing along and dancing too. When the song ended I felt really happy and full of energy! I wanted to dance some more! With each song that people sang I would dance and sing along with joyfully, I was having so much fun!!!! I didn't want it to end and I even got annoyed at people who were playing slow or sad songs that I couldn't have fun to. After a bit of this I started thinking to myself "I wonder if I am hypomanic right now... If I am I hope I don't crash.. that would suck.. well maybe I'm not and I'm just having fun! Either way, I am having fun right now and that's all that matters, I just hope this lasts a while. I guess I will find out if this is hypomanic later if I do crash" ... yeah, that literally was my thought process.
Later, the last song of the night, someone sang the song "The Kinks - Lola" which I continued to happily sing along to until it got to the second verse and I realized what the song is about. I stopped in shock and almost instantly crashed. I sat there, staring at the lyrics screen and at the jackass singing. How could he choose this song? wtf? Did they notice me? After the song was over everyone started getting up to leave. I am pretty sure all my friends noticed my sudden mood change. One of them gave me a very loving hug and I had to break away before I started crying. I didn't want to cry in the middle of the karaoke place.
I left with my boyfriend quick, I was definitely depressed. Once we got back to my place we talked for a while about things but I really couldn't get out of the depression. I came in and before long the depression had gone. I think I had spent maybe 2-3 hours in hypomania, then 1-1.5 hours in depression.
So after some research I am thinking I am am dealing with Ultra-Rapid Cycle Bipolar I Disorder. I seem to get hypomanic first, then depressed. I am still not sure how this would show up with full blown manic, but I get the feeling that all it would take for me to experience full blown manic is to go into relapse, deliberately or otherwise.
I started driving home, at around 4:20pm I get pulled over by a cop for speeding and driving in the HOV lane (I didn't realize it was during the HOV time). Before this point I wasn't feeling any effects from the Clonazepam. However I immediately noticed a major effect from it when I got pulled over. Normally when I get pulled over I get LOTS of anxiety and I work very hard to keep it all bottled in for the cop. This time however I felt downright FINE. I knew I made a mistake, I knew I would pay a fine, why worry myself over it? The cop must have really liked my attitude because he just gave me a warning on the speeding and I have a small fine to pay on the HOV violation. I even thanked him for helping me test my new anti-anxiety med. He laughed at that and let me go.
Later after I got home I started feeling some side effects. Dizziness, sleepiness, and loss of coordination. So I really wanted to go to bed, I had to eat so I felt dizzy while getting food for myself, and the whole time I was having an oddly difficult time opening different cupboards. Eventually the side effects passed though. After a while I noticed that I didn't feel particularly calm, but I clearly was. Like I would sit down and while my leg wouldn't shake I could feel it wanting to. Almost like I was half anxious and half relaxed. It was a very bizarre feeling.
Later I went to karaoke with my boyfriend and some others. Someone decided to sing "I Gatta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas" and I got very into it! I was singing along and dancing too. When the song ended I felt really happy and full of energy! I wanted to dance some more! With each song that people sang I would dance and sing along with joyfully, I was having so much fun!!!! I didn't want it to end and I even got annoyed at people who were playing slow or sad songs that I couldn't have fun to. After a bit of this I started thinking to myself "I wonder if I am hypomanic right now... If I am I hope I don't crash.. that would suck.. well maybe I'm not and I'm just having fun! Either way, I am having fun right now and that's all that matters, I just hope this lasts a while. I guess I will find out if this is hypomanic later if I do crash" ... yeah, that literally was my thought process.
Later, the last song of the night, someone sang the song "The Kinks - Lola" which I continued to happily sing along to until it got to the second verse and I realized what the song is about. I stopped in shock and almost instantly crashed. I sat there, staring at the lyrics screen and at the jackass singing. How could he choose this song? wtf? Did they notice me? After the song was over everyone started getting up to leave. I am pretty sure all my friends noticed my sudden mood change. One of them gave me a very loving hug and I had to break away before I started crying. I didn't want to cry in the middle of the karaoke place.
I left with my boyfriend quick, I was definitely depressed. Once we got back to my place we talked for a while about things but I really couldn't get out of the depression. I came in and before long the depression had gone. I think I had spent maybe 2-3 hours in hypomania, then 1-1.5 hours in depression.
So after some research I am thinking I am am dealing with Ultra-Rapid Cycle Bipolar I Disorder. I seem to get hypomanic first, then depressed. I am still not sure how this would show up with full blown manic, but I get the feeling that all it would take for me to experience full blown manic is to go into relapse, deliberately or otherwise.
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