Click!

Another light goes on. Avoidance. Avoidant persoanlity Disorder. The major feature (most simple explanation of symptom) is fear of being found out a 'fraud'. A fear of being evaluated. A fear of being evaluated...by others. Which is the act of co-dependency. Which is the activity of trying to control the feelings of others, which is impossible, dysfunctional, doesn't and can't work or succeed. Because it fails constantly it creates anxiety. Failing constantly creates chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety creates depression. The only cure I know is detachment and learning to love oneself unconditionally. The obsesseve-compulsive aspect is just part of the controlling of the evaluative process. Time to give it up, the struggle has no conclusion. Manipulation of other's feelings is not possible, an illusion, which has no physical existence and can't be controlled by physical or psychical activity. That's what makes it dys-functional. It has no function other than to keep the co-dependent busy trying to control random occasional results that can't be controlled. Which has often been defined as "being crazy"; doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I feel better. I have no explanation for these insights at this time, other than after I wrote down the twelve steps awhile ago I re-wrote them to suit me (several times) and then was lead to the Inner Bonding website. That helped immensely spiritually. It may not be for everyone, but it helped me. It helped get in closer to my Authentic Self and my Wounded Inner Child, and accept them as real parts of me, my psyche. Whatever works, right? Happy Easter