CLICK

I feel fantastic!  Since I took the day off last week my mind sort of finally “clicked”.  I don’t want to do this to myself anymore.  I set new goals last Tuesday to only burn 1200 cal and to eat 1200 cal each and every day.  Now, granted I have not met that goal once but I have come so much closer.  I have been burning about 1300 cal (down from 1500-1600) and eating at least 1100-1260, up from 1000-1200.   The scale creeped up a little and I have been ok with that.  I keep reminding myself that it will go up and that my clothes will finally fit and that it will be “fat” that I gain but that is ok and that is what my body NEEDS!  I really want my hair back.  I also want people to notice and not look away, I miss the compliments about how great I looked and I know that I can get there!  I also know that it won’t happen overnight and I will be patient and keep plugging along. 
 
I am focusing on increasing my protein and fat intake.  I already eat very healthy foods and now I am trying to add back in my nuts.  I used to eat a small bowl every day. Now, I tried to eat 13 almonds on Sunday while I watched my daughter swim.  In 20 minutes, I could only eat 8 and I thought I was going to die.  My belly felt really full and I felt a little sick.  I know that my stomach has to get used to them (they are raw, organic almonds and are naturally harder to digest). 
 
As far as the c/s, that I will work on but I am focusing on the exercise and eating balance first.  Then, I will tackle the c/s.  It’s still too enjoyable right now and it helps ease the anxiety of everything else.  I finally feel like I am ready to begin recovery and know that I will eventually decrease and eliminate the c/s too.  I know that someday I will be telling others my story with ED and how I beat this all on my own.  I still only talk to Dan for a couple of minutes a week but at least he cares.  I did try to reach out to my  dad last week and told him that I really needed to talk to him, alone.  My sister was in town visiting so I explained that I did not want to disrupt that but once they left I needed to talk to him.  I also explained that I was only bringing it up now so he would hold me to it and I wouldn’t “chicken out”.  Well, I have chickened out and he has not held me to anything.  Oh well.  I guess I knew all along this is what would happen and now I use the excuse that I tried.   I know that I could approach him again, but I have gotten myself this far and even though it is only the beginning, I know I can do.  I just needed to get my mind wrapped around it and I finally did.  It also helped knowing that my body fat tested out at TRIGGER (7.86%).  This is way too low, even for competition bodybuilders.  So, even though I feel great, I know that it is only time before my body starts shutting down, etc.  I am going to make the changes now so that I don’t have to wait for something bad to happen. 
 
Work hard, train hard, do not surrender… I have seen what my body can do and I am ready to move it back in the other direction.  I can do this, I will do this!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

This is a nice turn of events and train of thought for you. I really wish you could tackle the c/s as there are SO many dangers to it as well. As for your dad, perhaps write a letter. Not sure what\'s going on there, but I find writing letters and quick popping them in the mail do the trick.