Cleaning out my closet AND my head!!
So... today I cleaned out my closet of fat clothes... I had TONS of business suite and dresses (use to be an office mgr) and finally went thru them all today... And yeah, on many levels it was wonderful! There are even pics on my 'pic page".... even one of my almost empty closet! LOL!
But... there was also sadness in the process that I am not sure I understand... Part of it was the memories of the times involved with the clothes. They do remind me of a wonderful time (I've not worn many of them since my old mgr job) I have fond memories of...
But I think it was more... I think it may also be linked to saying good bye to my old, safe (?), familiar me. Kinda like tossing out an old pair of shoes... Ya know they gotta go, and they were good to you for awhile... but now they are just warn and old... and now you gotta break in new ones.
My old fat self had to go... BUT... there was also some weird and sick comfort in my fat. A safety net of sorts, or maybe more apt, a shield. And my foodie ways was a coping tool for many years that got me thru some crappy stuff... yeah, a dysfunctional relationship, but even those sometimes serve a purpose, for awhile...
And now I am breaking in my new life and world.. and sometimes, as totally awesome as it is... it pinches... and squeaks... And I worry that I can break it in in a fashion that is successful... I think by tossing the old stuff (and relationship) I am committed to the new one... (?)
Maybe saying good bye, even to something we KNOW KNOW KNOW has to go... can still be a bit scary of what is to come... and I think I am just trying to find my way in this new world I have and don't want to let myself down...
So.... there you go! I'll come back and read this tomorrow... and see if any of it makes sense!
But... there was also sadness in the process that I am not sure I understand... Part of it was the memories of the times involved with the clothes. They do remind me of a wonderful time (I've not worn many of them since my old mgr job) I have fond memories of...
But I think it was more... I think it may also be linked to saying good bye to my old, safe (?), familiar me. Kinda like tossing out an old pair of shoes... Ya know they gotta go, and they were good to you for awhile... but now they are just warn and old... and now you gotta break in new ones.
My old fat self had to go... BUT... there was also some weird and sick comfort in my fat. A safety net of sorts, or maybe more apt, a shield. And my foodie ways was a coping tool for many years that got me thru some crappy stuff... yeah, a dysfunctional relationship, but even those sometimes serve a purpose, for awhile...
And now I am breaking in my new life and world.. and sometimes, as totally awesome as it is... it pinches... and squeaks... And I worry that I can break it in in a fashion that is successful... I think by tossing the old stuff (and relationship) I am committed to the new one... (?)
Maybe saying good bye, even to something we KNOW KNOW KNOW has to go... can still be a bit scary of what is to come... and I think I am just trying to find my way in this new world I have and don't want to let myself down...
So.... there you go! I'll come back and read this tomorrow... and see if any of it makes sense!
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