Cleaned Smokey's dusty car - it was his baby.

This morning I cleaned Smokey's dusty car, which was his baby.  I never have driven in my life.  I used the swiffer to clean it and went over it with Windex.  Since I don't drive, I can't take it to those automatic car wash places that Smokey used all the time on it.  It was fun going thru it with Smokey.  After six months, the car was very dusty.  I dragged my feet this morning but I pushed forward and actually did it.  When I was dusting it, I kept thinking about Smokey.  It was a brand new car in 2005.  He loved it so much and took a lot of pictures of the car.  Eventually, when I get the Letters of Administration, I need to sell the car to pay off the car loan.  I wish there wasn't a car loan on it cause I could use the money.  Oh well, I have a job interview on Monday so one never knows when positive things will happen to me.  Take care and things for being my Daily Strength buddies.  This site has kept me going especially through the dark moments.  The last couple of weeks I was in a very dark place.  I feel lighter today.  I am on the cusp of menopause.  It could be a lot of reasons why the dark mood took over me.  I as very angry as well.  It seems to have passed, which is good for me.  Now I have to build up the courage to go to Save-On-Foods to buy milk.  I did most of my grocery shoppping on Monday.  I am gone from the unbearble pain of loos, to grief, and now I am on to sadness.  These are all progressions in the inward healing process.  I have come a long way since Smokey passed away on Nov. 15, 2009.  It is not easy and I would not wish this experience on anyone.  There are some people on this site who eventually did find another partner.  It gives me much hope that is for sure.  Even my brother Don gave me a challenge to send out 20 resumes a day.  If I have an incentive like this, I can do it.  All by myself there are days when I did not send out any resumes.  My friend Carol had 2 interviews on Friday and did not hear back from them at all.  I guess she never got the jobs.  My brother Don is in the process of getting dentures as his teeth were black, probably rotten.  I don't know why he never got his teeth pulled out at once.  He got his top teeth pulled out last Thursday.  This Friday he is getting his lower teeth pulled out.  Don can not handle any pain.  Now he has to eat mushy food like baby food.  I don't know what to do today.  I only have one errand to do is buy milk.  I like milk in my oatmeal and have a glass or two per day.  Last night before I went to sleep I made a list of my priorities and don't know if any of you feel the same way.
1)  I could die and that would be fine with me
2)  Finding my christian soul mate and be blessed with $250,000 (ha ha)
3)  Get a part-time job and win retirement money (ha ha)
The odds of getting a job versus winning the lottery of any amount of money seem to be the same.  When a person is over 50, it is challenging finding a company who would hire you as they seem to prefer young ones in their 20s.  Is it just me or am I getting old now.  I don't feel old.  I feel like I am just starting out and have a lot of wisdom and energy.  I am ready to kick up my heals and go now carrying the memory & love of Smokey with me where ever I go in life.  If I find someone else Smokey is with me always even in another relationship.
 
Don't mind me I am just in a chatty mood.  I get that way on occasion.