Christmas update -- argh!
Just got back from lunch with my abusive old lady. I know that she likes me, and at the same time I know she considers me ill-educated (everyone in the US is ill-educated, according to her); she disapproves of my "breeding" (she has a Victorian sensibility about the importance of one's forbears being the right kind of people, not very poor people as mine were); and I can't figure out how she can like me when she so obviously holds me in contempt. She insulted me today to my face -- I'd say that casually remarking that I'm ill-educated constitutes an insult. And when I actually said, out loud tho quietly, "Thanks for the insult," she changed her behavior fairly quickly. I thought about getting up and walking out, but ended up staying. I'm going to have to stop riding home with her (that's actually because I need to walk for my diabetes), but when I tell her about that I need also to get up the nerve to tell her that if she insults me one more time I will get up and walk away. That will be very hard for me to do. The irony is that I like her very much in a number of ways -- when she's not insulting I totally enjoy our conversations. But to me friendship has to be based on respect, and I'm not willing to endure this any longer. I don't deal with anger well. Right now I'm furious, my stomach is in knots, and I'm sitting looking at a dinner (due to screw-ups at the restaurant I ended up bringing my dinner home in a box) that I can't bring myself to eat. In fact, I can't bring myself to eat anything -- which should be good for my blood sugar, since I usually run high, but isn't good for me psychologically. Well, I can do one thing -- I can call the restaurant and say something about the waitress. The screw-up was minor, it was handled well, and my dinner partner was so obnoxious to the waitress it's a miracle the waitress could remember anything. Since they comped my meal I don't want it to count as a black mark against the waitress, who actually had the best manner I've come across in a long time. Maybe doing something nice will take the bad taste out of my mouth and help me calm down.
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