Christmas this year 2008
I have finish all the shopping and have decided to set a place a dinner table for my daughter Khrsity this year. I feel she wants to be with me this Christmas. So far Peter doesn't think that is crazy but don't know how his daughter is going to take it for she is the only one coming to eat. Well going out shopping for the Chiristmas meal today. Tonight going out to eat with the gang at work which the employer is paying , our Christmas present from her. My mind is doing ok, I was feeling depressed earlier in the week, but while I was on my way home from doing errands I decided I really needed to see my family in the USA, three years to too many years for me to be away. Don't know how I am going to get there but I am going in June of 2009. I just know God will provide someway for me to get there. I am going to start saving now and checking airline flights for the cheapest..... So that has lifted my spirits a lot. I have told me brother and mom about my decision but haven't told Jessica yet( I know she will be thrilled) As soon as the new calender comes up at work I am putting my 3 weeks off to visit. Now I am feeling my days with thoughts of planning and getting a budget to see how much money we actually need. My brother has offered his car so we don't have to rent one while we are there and his house for us to stay. I have a great brother. My son is still not talking to me, hoping he will come around at some point. Merry Christmas to all
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I think setting a place for youu daughter is a great idea. Where will you be coming to in the USA? Kentucky? HAve a Merry Christmas. CAthy
That trip is a really positive goal to aim for - well done. I\'m still working on my trip to Holland with Rod\'s ashes....I had it all worked out that I would go in April on my birthday but now I have a new grandchild expected at exactly that time so I don\'t want to be away then. By the way I also think setting a place at dinner for your daughter is great.
Visiting ones family is always good for a person. We need them all so much more than we realize until they are gone. That is the one good thing I have recieved from all of my loss,grief and sorrow, and thatis the appreciation I have felt for my family. Some of them did way more than I would hac=ve dreamed they would, and others disapointed me and hurt me some. I have come to see and learned now, that they were just too devestated themselves to help me, an the were afraid of just hrting and upsetting me mnore.I will be see these ones that had hurt my feelings when Steven died, now I will be abloe to talk to them, and to undertand them, and them me.I know that they were just afraid to confront their feelings in front of me, because they thought it would just make me worse. I think I understand them now. James. (husband, Michael, (grandson)my Mom,amd I are going to Lakeland as was just a blur or horror to all of us. We all will be at my niececs, and then Mom will go home with nthem because theyn live closer to the airport than we do. I will be thankful when this is over this has been an awful year. 2009 is going to nbe berrter. I hope you are doing well and Christmas will be all right for you. It is late. I gotta go, I love tou sweetit. I pray that you will be all right. You know my youngest son Paul died from an accidental drug overdose on 2003. It is not someting the you recover from the same way as other kinds of deaths. You hurt and you always wish you had seen or known,or done more or done diffrent, Nio matter how much we did or how much we tried, we always try to think of what else we could have done. I also think that you at a difficult point in your grief. The second year as w0rse for me than the second year. I don;t know whay, but for me with Paul iit was harder the second year. I think the first year you are still in that shocked, it is unreal stage, . I am in the 5th year with Paul and the first Dec. 10th was just the 1st year for Steven\'s death anniversary. I did awful for 2 weeks. I got so bed with crying that my husband actually took off work and took me to the doctor. She had to up mu antidepressant, and insisted that I take a Valium or a xanax when I got so where I could not stop crying. I am doing much better now and just using the abtidepressant. I can\'t imagine the closeness that a mother and daughter feel toward each other. I had no girls, I did have a step daughter that I loved very much. For the last 5 years of her life she lifed wih us or d0wn thr street. She took her own life 4 months ago and 8 months after Steven took his own life. Steven started his downward spiral into depression when Paul, his baby brother died before him. I am a Mom with no children, I cannot help but envy you a little. I know any 1 child cannot replce the one you lost, but at least you are stll a mom that has children. I hopw yall have as good a Christmas as possible. I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. You sould jusa happy now,, but I know your life will never be the samme. I will say a special prayer for you, please do for us ,love peg
I too think setting a place for your daughter is a great idea. They come whether we set for them or not. Hope your plans for the new year turn out great. Merry Christmas. Love and hugs Cathy