Christmas plans

Figuring out Christmas plans has been tedious this year.  After the last month of problems with the kids and his situations I did tell him I wouldn't be able to move back because I don't think it's a safe environment for my kids to be in with the physical fights between kids and the bb gun incident (which he tells me didn't really happen) I don't want my kids in it on a full time basis.  I am going to visit over Christmas and we are suppose to talk again then but I know how the talks usually go.  Right now I am at my mom's house in KS, going to spend a few days here and then travel to MO on Christmas Eve to be with him and his family.  While here at mom's of course my aunt will come in sometime and they will get together to tell me what I need to do with my life.  They do have good advice but I don't feel as tho I can actually receive it fully.  I do love them dearly tho and I know they mean best.  My mom has tons of books so I get a chance to read a little bit about different things, when I says tons I do mean tons literally 8 bookcases full of books usually self help, shamanism, reflexology and such.  
Christmas Eve I will drive the 6 hours or so to MO to get to a dinner hopefully by 5 or so at his aunt's house.  I do love that side of the family.  A very nice, funny and warm family.  I am looking forward to the visit and at the same time not.  My daughter (12 almost) made a comment yesterday about if and when we were moving back.  I asked her if she really wanted to and she said yes.  She missed his youngest, playing with her and such.  This is the same girl who wrote in notebooks about how she hated the environment there, how bad it always felt and she didn't think she was treated fair.  I know she didn't like the way things were and right now she just misses having the little girl to play with.   Crossing my fingers somethings become clearer this holiday season.