Christmas is coming
As I write this I am on my campus. I am feeling somewhat dizzy and uncomfortable. I didn't go to class and I don't think that I will be going to class at all for the rest of the week. I don't know what is happening to me. Ia must going to have to change everything next semester to try to raise my GPA and start to build a better transcript for graduate school. I love school and I am close to graduation so why not just push through and finnish. That way I can go to grad school and have a chance at being a psychologist.
Also feeling depressed, lonely and sad. However, I am looking forward to having dinner at Rachael's on Thursday night. I'm anxious as well, I don't know why I am feeling any of this. I am so tired, I am now in bed in the morning longer that I am used to. This weekend, I think Saturday, I slept until about 1 in the afternoon. I can't believe that I am academically throwing myself under the bus. Next semester will be better. I got a new stereo in my car, so that makes me happy, it's pretty cool. I forgot to take my medication this morning. I have been thinking about stopping all medication and seeing what would happen. I am sure I am over medicated, but when we went down in Seroquel I started to experience more anxiety and depression. I need to get a job, but I cannot find one. I think that it will boost my moral and self confidence. And I will also get paid.
Emily is in an institution in Illinois where she is getting help through therapy and pharmacologically. When I fist got sick that is what I wanted to do. Go to a place that could help me well and do it intensively. However, I believe I heard my mom saying that Emily's treatment center is around $30,000 per month. Which is the same price of this great rehab facility which is a part of the University of Colorado Hospital. I want McDonald's I am hungry and I think maybe I am just a bit hungover, I polished off almost an entire bottle of red wine last night, my mom had a glass. It's cold outside and winter is beginning. The weather I love, because it is somewhat depressing and gives everyone a reason to be inside cozy and watching movies and whatever. I want to go home and watch a movie, I should do that.
It's just going to be mom and I for Christmas. I don't mind. Dad could be involved if his wife was not so afraid of mom. since we are both going to be in town and celebrating alone. Luke will come in after the holidays. I don't know if this is going to be one of those Christmas Eve at dad's and Christmas at mom's. That situation is usually uncomfortable, especially when it comes time to leave dads and go back home to mom's.
I'll leave it at that. I don't know what else to tell you right now. Suicidal thoughts are high at this point. Though, I don't believe I am in need of a hospital. At least not right now. Wait there is something else that I want to say. I have blown through the inharitence and am have a little over $2,000 left and I desperately need a job!!! I just wanted to get that off my chest. I can do a lot with 2 grand, lets do it productively.
Goodnight moon.
Also feeling depressed, lonely and sad. However, I am looking forward to having dinner at Rachael's on Thursday night. I'm anxious as well, I don't know why I am feeling any of this. I am so tired, I am now in bed in the morning longer that I am used to. This weekend, I think Saturday, I slept until about 1 in the afternoon. I can't believe that I am academically throwing myself under the bus. Next semester will be better. I got a new stereo in my car, so that makes me happy, it's pretty cool. I forgot to take my medication this morning. I have been thinking about stopping all medication and seeing what would happen. I am sure I am over medicated, but when we went down in Seroquel I started to experience more anxiety and depression. I need to get a job, but I cannot find one. I think that it will boost my moral and self confidence. And I will also get paid.
Emily is in an institution in Illinois where she is getting help through therapy and pharmacologically. When I fist got sick that is what I wanted to do. Go to a place that could help me well and do it intensively. However, I believe I heard my mom saying that Emily's treatment center is around $30,000 per month. Which is the same price of this great rehab facility which is a part of the University of Colorado Hospital. I want McDonald's I am hungry and I think maybe I am just a bit hungover, I polished off almost an entire bottle of red wine last night, my mom had a glass. It's cold outside and winter is beginning. The weather I love, because it is somewhat depressing and gives everyone a reason to be inside cozy and watching movies and whatever. I want to go home and watch a movie, I should do that.
It's just going to be mom and I for Christmas. I don't mind. Dad could be involved if his wife was not so afraid of mom. since we are both going to be in town and celebrating alone. Luke will come in after the holidays. I don't know if this is going to be one of those Christmas Eve at dad's and Christmas at mom's. That situation is usually uncomfortable, especially when it comes time to leave dads and go back home to mom's.
I'll leave it at that. I don't know what else to tell you right now. Suicidal thoughts are high at this point. Though, I don't believe I am in need of a hospital. At least not right now. Wait there is something else that I want to say. I have blown through the inharitence and am have a little over $2,000 left and I desperately need a job!!! I just wanted to get that off my chest. I can do a lot with 2 grand, lets do it productively.
Goodnight moon.
Replies