choices we make
Its taken me some time but I am here now. This month has been hectic to say the least. I having been working pretty much everyday and I started school this week as well. Trying to cram in sleep is hard enough let alone anything extra.
So the last time I wrote was after my sister got arrested for underage drinking. Since then she has been under house lock down and is beginning to pay her hefty fine. She will be losing her licence as well. I feel as though she is taking it more seriously but only time will tell. She said she quit smoking so we will see. I told her I was proud of her and I hope she really does stay quit! I am doing all I can without enabling her, I want her to realize that its not a game, the things you do have consequences, if you mess up, own it and learn from it, don't whine and complain that mom is hard on you. You are the one that did the deed, so you will face the consequences.
Speaking of consequences, my sisters best friend is pregnant. Yes, pregnant at 17. We found out this week, and its not a good thing, she is dating a guy almost 10 years older than her, who in my opinion is a jerk. Well my opinion is biased because I dated him about 4 years ago and he was a jerk to me. A lying cheating crazy person, who is very manipulative of my sisters friend. I have had a whirlwind of emotions since I heard the news. I feel bad for her, she is so young, a senior in high school with no job, no car and no drivers license. She has a nice family but they don't have a lot of money and he doesnt either, and a baby is expensive. Idk its just a tough situation to be in. But she is being so simple about the whole thing like oh its fine, she thinks she has it all figured out. But theres nothing more I can say to make her understand, hes a flake and he may be happy about it now but he may change his mind.
And speaking of pregnancies, my good friend is pregnant with her second child. I found out this week too. Another complex situation, I have been telling myself all week that babies are a blessing, babies are a blessing! Ugh, she is the friend who lost her first child to child protective serves a few months ago, she was dating a guy who beat up her child and they felt it wasnt a good home life for her. She has since gotten her daughter back(just this past month) and is dating a new guy, who hes a nice guy but they wanted to start a family too quickkly and here it is a new baby. They have been together for about three months maybe and they live together, struggling to pay rent and take care of the child they have now and our thinking of getting married. I told her to SLOW DOWN but this is what she wants so there is no stopping her. IDK what else to say, its too late to slow down now.
And how am I in all of this... EXHAUSTED! I am just so tired of seeing people I love and care about acting... reckless with their lives. I am not trying to judge but it is hard not to when it feels like everyone around me is doing something life altering on a whim. I know my sisters friend didn't plan to have a baby, my sister didn't plan to get caught and my friend didn't plan to be .. we they did plan that but still she didnt think it through. Ugh IDK all I do nknow is that I am wide awake to life and take precautions with such matters, I don't drink and I am on the pill. If I got pregnant I'd freak out! I am in no place to be having a baby, I can hardly afford to take care of myself. I hardly sleep anymore, I work everyday and it would just be out of control, but to them, its fun? IDK I am just sleep deprived and trying to balance out everything I have going on. I am happy for everyone its just a lot to take in, well I have 9 months to adjust right? lol
I have been doing alright when it comes to anxiety. I can't say I am cured but I never will be. I am living one day at a time and doing the best that I can. I talked with my therapist yesterday about going to confession. I haven't been in a long while. I feel it may help me to forgive myself, I think it is time to stop feeling guilty and take action. I am nervous but I feel I deserve to go to communion again and one day I want to get married and raise my children to go to church so I can't keep procrastination on talking to a priest. I feel God has forgiven me, but I know the next step is for me to confess at church. It is so hard to let myself be vulnerable to my emotions about it, but it is part of healing.
So the last time I wrote was after my sister got arrested for underage drinking. Since then she has been under house lock down and is beginning to pay her hefty fine. She will be losing her licence as well. I feel as though she is taking it more seriously but only time will tell. She said she quit smoking so we will see. I told her I was proud of her and I hope she really does stay quit! I am doing all I can without enabling her, I want her to realize that its not a game, the things you do have consequences, if you mess up, own it and learn from it, don't whine and complain that mom is hard on you. You are the one that did the deed, so you will face the consequences.
Speaking of consequences, my sisters best friend is pregnant. Yes, pregnant at 17. We found out this week, and its not a good thing, she is dating a guy almost 10 years older than her, who in my opinion is a jerk. Well my opinion is biased because I dated him about 4 years ago and he was a jerk to me. A lying cheating crazy person, who is very manipulative of my sisters friend. I have had a whirlwind of emotions since I heard the news. I feel bad for her, she is so young, a senior in high school with no job, no car and no drivers license. She has a nice family but they don't have a lot of money and he doesnt either, and a baby is expensive. Idk its just a tough situation to be in. But she is being so simple about the whole thing like oh its fine, she thinks she has it all figured out. But theres nothing more I can say to make her understand, hes a flake and he may be happy about it now but he may change his mind.
And speaking of pregnancies, my good friend is pregnant with her second child. I found out this week too. Another complex situation, I have been telling myself all week that babies are a blessing, babies are a blessing! Ugh, she is the friend who lost her first child to child protective serves a few months ago, she was dating a guy who beat up her child and they felt it wasnt a good home life for her. She has since gotten her daughter back(just this past month) and is dating a new guy, who hes a nice guy but they wanted to start a family too quickkly and here it is a new baby. They have been together for about three months maybe and they live together, struggling to pay rent and take care of the child they have now and our thinking of getting married. I told her to SLOW DOWN but this is what she wants so there is no stopping her. IDK what else to say, its too late to slow down now.
And how am I in all of this... EXHAUSTED! I am just so tired of seeing people I love and care about acting... reckless with their lives. I am not trying to judge but it is hard not to when it feels like everyone around me is doing something life altering on a whim. I know my sisters friend didn't plan to have a baby, my sister didn't plan to get caught and my friend didn't plan to be .. we they did plan that but still she didnt think it through. Ugh IDK all I do nknow is that I am wide awake to life and take precautions with such matters, I don't drink and I am on the pill. If I got pregnant I'd freak out! I am in no place to be having a baby, I can hardly afford to take care of myself. I hardly sleep anymore, I work everyday and it would just be out of control, but to them, its fun? IDK I am just sleep deprived and trying to balance out everything I have going on. I am happy for everyone its just a lot to take in, well I have 9 months to adjust right? lol
I have been doing alright when it comes to anxiety. I can't say I am cured but I never will be. I am living one day at a time and doing the best that I can. I talked with my therapist yesterday about going to confession. I haven't been in a long while. I feel it may help me to forgive myself, I think it is time to stop feeling guilty and take action. I am nervous but I feel I deserve to go to communion again and one day I want to get married and raise my children to go to church so I can't keep procrastination on talking to a priest. I feel God has forgiven me, but I know the next step is for me to confess at church. It is so hard to let myself be vulnerable to my emotions about it, but it is part of healing.
Replies
wow you realy need to try to just worry about yourself right now. I know it\'s hard because you care about the others in your life but if you don\'t take care of yourself you can\'t be there for htem when they realy need you. I got pregnant at 17 to a jerk and had 2 babies with him and when I finally left him it was hard because i too didn\'t have any money but I worked hard took care ofmy kids and everything worked out. actually i had 4 babies at the age of 22 a 4 year old a 2 year old and newborn twins. I had little help but I made it through and I would only change 1 thing and that is that my ex was happy and enjoyed the kids like I did but that is his cross to bare not mine. Take care of yourself and try not to worry so much