chest pains

having a rough time trying to sleep tonight.

i had a great day with Dad and Stepmom for Father's Day.
All of the other siblings are out of town - so we did a hike

just the three of us at King Gilette Ranch (we walked up to 'inspiration point' which was a huge victory for my

85 year old Dad!)

I am now at home after having an early dinner with them and though I've gone through the normal

routine of things in terms of my nighttime patterns before work, it seems I need to process something.

I am not sure what it is or if it means I have been dreaming too much (too 'pie in the sky' today?)

Or if I am just recognizing a different aspect to my commonality of experience that I haven't considered yet?

'Life is lessons' my therapist said to me in so many words 'there's always something new to learn.'

I guess my 'stupid move' tonight, which seems to be the cause of my chest pains, is directing me

to start thinking in terms of commonality..... in that others also are having feelings at times of being lost at times as well

as making stupid moves that don't always solve the problem. I wish I were more stable and

I just really wish the way my 'mechanism'

worked wasn't needing to consider such basic relationships and feel like a servant of life. I guess we can all feel that

way. Humans may try to find heaven on earth but we're also forced to be conventional at times.

Ah well, I will drink some water and turn on the tv. I'll watch the droning news casters maybe that

will help me drift off.