checking in.......
Hi........love you, thank you! I've sooo missed you!
been in bed all week......not doing all that hot. went out that same day i posted on the 23rd and wiped out again. been barely doing since........
about moving - i need the kids to be on board, committed to helping first.........at least three bids from agents and more info on the property i hope to be approved for to move in........the property is rent controlled for disabled based on income tax credits......not explaining it right but hopefully this makes some sort of sense to you..... the manager at the apartment complex was not very nice and left me in a real quandary.......
the kids listened to my news but didn't really get very involved.....feel like they are so busy with work/summer plans and feeling generally overwhelmed that they aren't currently present to give me feedback, support and a feeling that they can give me a commitment to help........mostly cause they didn't do that at the time. they treat me like ok, you're gonna do that.......and then they just keep on with their own stuff. it's like i'm not disabled or that they understand that i can't do this by myself or something that i'm not aware of.......hard to read people. we ate dinner, saw a movie and then as i headed back to my car i started crying........i felt that i'd held in my tears as long as i could.......and now they were spilling out of my face. i let them believe that it was just a long day for ol mom, but the truth is that i felt pretty let down.........
they didn't say much, and nobody said that i could stay with them should my home sell faster than expected and i would need a place to stay for a while til the apartment was available. that's the big thing that stung.....maybe they didn't realize that i needed to hear that......or maybe they did and they don't want to offer me a spot? then one night kari stopped by ...my new neighbor.......and i came apart again. before she left she said that they would take me in if i needed a place to stay for a time......which made me cry even harder. tears are not my best thing........sure do wipe me out.
bruce can mow the lawn today or tomorrow and he said he can pressure wash the porch, paint it and take on a few other chores over the next few weeks............good and good. that makes me breathe easier. phewwwww.
i need to go back to bed, i'm wiped out..........praying for our girl GRACE and to hear of the results from the lung biopsy.....praying for all of you......my body aches, my chest hurts, i need my bed........flares are a real drag.
love you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you......!
Replies
I choose to believe your kids just didn't know what you needed to hear. My husband doesn't know what I need to hear. I have to ask directly, and then it's always, "of course we can do that!" Perhaps to them it's a no brainer. What a kind neighbor you have!!!!!! She's awesome! You didn't say what movie you saw.
I've been in bed for a few weeks with a stomach virus. If I'm not like, totally better by Monday I will go back to the doc. I'm sure you've had the same experience where you get your butt out of bed and get dressed and showered and get to the doc and they say, "It's a virus, Go back to bed." and then you've wasted all that precious energy for nothing. That's why I haven't bothered to go to the doc again. I was there when this started and they said, "It's a virus. Go back to bed." Oy!
Make sure you take care of yourself during this flare-up! I will send good thoughts your way. Also, my sister, who is a Doctor of Oriental Medicine recommended I us Qi Gong healing meditations. They are on You Tube and all you need to do is listen to them. Here is one I'm using: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk_tB7v_m9I&list=LLnWEz_nbaF6NOqcSOaOfJrg&t=638s&index=2
I don't know if it's making me feel any better but it's worth a shot, right?
Hug hug!
I totally understand the feeling that people don't get that you are disabled. That happens to me too. It's frustrating. I hate to have to say, "I can't do that." But I guess it's part of the process of learning self-care. I'm so sorry you've been in bed all week. It's hard when it gets that bad. Love you.
Hi Ruthie! I'm not sure that your kids EVER really get it! I think Sam does more than Sara. Anyway, sorry they are missing your cues that they need to be more present.
My daughter lives with me for two years now and STILL seems to not understand how weak I am in a crash.
Ruthie they don't get it! It's like they don't want to think about the fact we are ill and aging. They will understand some day but not until it's too late. That's how we all are. Thank you for your prayers. Had the biopsy and now I wait. I'm so nervous and scared. Love you sweetie. You are a trooper. You have to do what's best for you now. ❤️
Ruthie, I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed - I'd be tearful too if I was in your shoes. Is it possible your kids just need you to ask directly whether they can help you with the move and provide you a short term place to live? I know that would be a vulnerable thing to do - but if they are so caught up in their own busy lives, maybe it hasn't even occurred to them what you might need. Just a thought. I pray for you every day - and I will be sure to ask the Lord to direct and bless your upcoming decisions about moving.
So sorry dear Ruthie. You are just wiped out and overwhelmed with it all. It's completely understandable. Moving from your home is no easy thing in itself. A huge life changer. Then to be in such a debilitated physical state on top is a lot to take. I think that you need to come right out and tell your children you are going to need their support with the big move and most likely also need to stay with one of them if there's a gap time. You are their mother and you need help. Once you have spoken out and expressed your concern and needs, you will be resting easy my friend. If you wait and worry, it will just make you sicker. So don't do that to yourself. Speak up now and get it sorted.
It is very kind of your neighbors to offer shelter to you but I don't think you will feel comfortable there. Maybe I'm wrong but I believe you will be more relaxed with your own family. They know you are physically ill , so it would be better to stay with Sara or Sam. I'm thinking Sam ?
I really believe it will all work out and you are going to be fine my friend. It is all achievable as long as you receive help from your family. I have no doubt that when you ask out loud and clear, they will respond. They have a duty to take care of you anyway. That's how it's supposed to be. No question there. So reach into that inner strength now and make some calls.
You're extra sensitive and insecure right now because you're feeling very ill and because you are going to be leaving the Sparrow Cottage. Totally understandable. You're a smart cookie though and you've done your homework. I think you will feel more protected, have more financial security, and also make some cool new friends. There will be less maintenance too and with your natural creative ability , you will make your new place just beautiful. All good.....no worries.
Rest up and speak up dear Ruthie. Love you so.xoxo