Cheating
I understand everyone has a different opinion about cheating, but I think only those of us who have been betrayed in that way truly understand what it does to a person and the pain it inflicts. What got me thinking about it recently was when I had lunch with my 3 best friends on Monday. They were all there for me like no other during my divorce, so imagine my surprise at lunch when one of them said this:
"Well, one needs to consider what hell of their own the person doing the cheating must be going through."
I was taken aback, but kept my cool as my friends have all been married over 25 years (2 over 30 years), so just said this, "I may not agree with everything Dr. Phil says, but I do agree with him on this...that regardless of what problems may be going on in a marriage, it only takes ONE person to cheat...and THAT decision is on THEM and has nothing to do with their spouse." In other words, no spouse should feel guilty about anything they've done wrong in the marriage as NOTHING is a good enough excuse to cheat if one is truly committed to the marriage. Anyway, my friend said not a word. I really was just very surprised at her statement...like somehow she was sympathizing with my ex...that, oh...boo hoo...he must have been really unhappy (which he was) in order to cheat. Sorry, but I HAVE no sympathy for cheaters. I don't care WHAT their excuses are, it's wrong and that's where I stand. I was unhappy with my ex the last 7 years of my marriage once he "checked out" and ignored me, but would THAT ever have made it okay for ME to cheat! Hell, no! I was raised better than that!
So...that is my story and I'm sticking to it!
"Well, one needs to consider what hell of their own the person doing the cheating must be going through."
I was taken aback, but kept my cool as my friends have all been married over 25 years (2 over 30 years), so just said this, "I may not agree with everything Dr. Phil says, but I do agree with him on this...that regardless of what problems may be going on in a marriage, it only takes ONE person to cheat...and THAT decision is on THEM and has nothing to do with their spouse." In other words, no spouse should feel guilty about anything they've done wrong in the marriage as NOTHING is a good enough excuse to cheat if one is truly committed to the marriage. Anyway, my friend said not a word. I really was just very surprised at her statement...like somehow she was sympathizing with my ex...that, oh...boo hoo...he must have been really unhappy (which he was) in order to cheat. Sorry, but I HAVE no sympathy for cheaters. I don't care WHAT their excuses are, it's wrong and that's where I stand. I was unhappy with my ex the last 7 years of my marriage once he "checked out" and ignored me, but would THAT ever have made it okay for ME to cheat! Hell, no! I was raised better than that!
So...that is my story and I'm sticking to it!
Replies
She\'s probably cheating herself
I don\'t think so as later she mentioned something about when she and her dh were in an adult store not long ago...
Who knows...maybe she has a friend who is cheating...hmmmm
That is a defensive statement your friend made to excuse cheating. Not something that is usually said. Either she has cheated or is thinking about cheating. Perhaps she has a friend or family member who confided in her.
That\'s what I\'m thinking, Trisha...that she has a friend who may be cheating...
Wow....I couldnt have said it better...and you handled that comment beautifully. As you know I was cheated on as well, and like you, although the ASS had checked out of our relationship years ago, I NEVER thought of cheating as it is not an option.
As Dr. Phil says, it is up to the couple to do everything possible to restore the relationship and then, and only then, if it is beyond repair, the couple should end it.
You held yourself up well and I am impressed that you handled it with such grace and dignity. I dont know if I would have been able to do the same!
Well. it\'s been a long time for me since the divorce, so that\'s probably why I wasn\'t going to get into a debate with her and chose my words carefully. I\'m not angry about it anymore, just don\'t care. It just saddened me that someone who completely sided with me during my divorce and saw everything I went through, would say something like that. I felt betrayed by her in a way. Know what I mean?
She\'s probably a swinger...and you don\'t know about it.
Or...maybe her spouse has cheated and she has taken him back. Maybe she bought the bs he may have used about what he has been through. I cannot understand her logic to say that to you, knowing the hell you were put through.
It also confused me how work friends still befriend my ex and fix him up with their friends, knowing he has cheated. People are insensitive at times.