Changing thoughts . . .

Well today I was challenged by the fact that my husband's plans included going to a pilot's meeting all evening, so there were about 4-5 hours when I knew that I could escape to the casino if I wanted to.  My mind was working on it - thinking how "good" I've been in the last few weeks - - -saving $$ and resisting urges. :]  When I got in the car the memory of how I could just drive over there emerged... ugh. Anyway, I was visualizing the "winning" part - I had won quite a bit recently - of course subsequently put it all back in and more . . . but in my head the excitement of winning was there . . I went over and over it in my head.  While I was doing this I realized I had left something in my office and had to go back in the building. . . For some reason this triggered a little change and less urgency to go off course.  I felt a little shakyt hough and went home without stopping anywhere.  When I got there instead of fixing a meal, I started nibbling on chips and salsa . . not good, but I felt stressed.  After a few minutes I went to put the salsa jar back in the fridge and I missed the shelf - it shattered all over the kitchen floor.  The kitties of course wanted to get into the glass and the mess. :] It was a lot of cleanup but it seemed to shake me out of my haze.  Sometimes strange things happen.  Now I'm over the urge and can go on to the next day without a disaster (except for cleaning up my floor).  It really does a number on your mind - - - this addiction.  I hope it goes away soon. Still saving my daily $$ and ready for the next installment into my recovery.  It helped to re-read the journals and posts as well.Take care - on to another day!Smokeygirl

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You scared me girl. I thought you were outa there. So glad you got waylayed. Well try visualizing the losing part. There is no winning part, never. We always give it back. You want the thoughts to go away, then you have control of your mind, make them go away. Say out loud, I am not going to gamble today and keep telling yourself that. You know your mind is geared to say \"lets go\" and you have to stop it from talking to you by telling it no. So kudos to you for another gf day. :)
DianneE
DianneE

Whew....sounds like a close call! Salsa to the rescue!!! Glad for you that you resisted the insanity!!! The gambling insanity can truly come upon us so hard at times....the place where memory of the pain disappears, and all we see is the excitement of the WIN....which never lasted for me more than a couple of minutes anyway. Then I\'m floating on a cloud of \"have money to burn\" until I look up and realize it is all gone....shocked and thinking. \"how is this possible????\"
Next comes the depressed, anxious, angry-at-myself walk of shame to the car...
It is good to make myself remember all this so I never go back to feeding that monster!

BIG WTG!
and Big Hugs
smokeygirl
smokeygirl

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! sg
SheliaMac
SheliaMac

Yah !!!!!!!!!!! WTG girlfriend, I for one am so proud of you --- doing what needs to be done. Would have sucked to wake up this morning knowing you blew it and would have to start all over again. So glad you could overcome the urge --- gives me hope!!!