Changing thoughts . . .
Well today I was challenged by the fact that my husband's plans included going to a pilot's meeting all evening, so there were about 4-5 hours when I knew that I could escape to the casino if I wanted to. My mind was working on it - thinking how "good" I've been in the last few weeks - - -saving $$ and resisting urges. :] When I got in the car the memory of how I could just drive over there emerged... ugh. Anyway, I was visualizing the "winning" part - I had won quite a bit recently - of course subsequently put it all back in and more . . . but in my head the excitement of winning was there . . I went over and over it in my head. While I was doing this I realized I had left something in my office and had to go back in the building. . . For some reason this triggered a little change and less urgency to go off course. I felt a little shakyt hough and went home without stopping anywhere. When I got there instead of fixing a meal, I started nibbling on chips and salsa . . not good, but I felt stressed. After a few minutes I went to put the salsa jar back in the fridge and I missed the shelf - it shattered all over the kitchen floor. The kitties of course wanted to get into the glass and the mess. :] It was a lot of cleanup but it seemed to shake me out of my haze. Sometimes strange things happen. Now I'm over the urge and can go on to the next day without a disaster (except for cleaning up my floor). It really does a number on your mind - - - this addiction. I hope it goes away soon. Still saving my daily $$ and ready for the next installment into my recovery. It helped to re-read the journals and posts as well.Take care - on to another day!Smokeygirl