Changes

My anxiety has been pretty bad for the last four months. It's very debilitating, I always feel like shit, and it keeps me from doing almost anything I enjoy that would usually help alleviate the anxiety and stress I'm having. I see a therapist, and she is slowly helping me work through things, but I did schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist. It took me almost a month to get in to see her because all the doctors were completely booked. I finally saw her on Monday (4/3), and she prescribed a low dose of Paxil. I know it's not magic, I know it doesn't happen overnight, but goddamn, I was really putting a lot on this prescription. The promise of being prescribed something is honestly the only thing that's gotten me through the last few weeks. I don't know if that's a healthy mindset or not (I'm guessing not, because I know these things take time). But I'm still having anxiety. It's sort of soft around the edges now, but oh man is it there. The first day, I had no anxiety. Felt a little out of it when I first took it in the morning (sort of spaced-out, but nothing major). Got a headache later in the day that lasted all night, and into the next day. That morning I had a nightmare, which set me up for an anxiety-filled day unfortunately. Anxiety the next day, later on, triggered byy phobia, but no physical symptoms manifested thankfully. But again, in the early morning the following day, bad dreams, restlessness, and terrible anxiety in the morning. Now, five days into the meds, and I'm afraid to sleep. Because I'm afraid to wake up to another anxiety attack. I'm sure it's just the meds wearing off, and I'm on such a low dose (1/2 of a 10mg pill), but I'm supposed to increase my dosage in a couple more days so I'm hopeful that this will help. I'm just so sick of feeling like crap all the time, and constantly being plagued by these anxious, intrusive thoughts. I can't keep living this way. I mean look at me in this moment: it's nearly 2am and I have to be up at 6am to get ready for work. Every night it's like this. I'm exhausted but I'm afraid to sleep. I'm really hoping that this medication helps. I desperately need to work through all this anxiety and fear.