Changes
13 months. 13 months is all it took for my life to change. It started with a warning, a whisper in my ear from God: You will be alone very soon. At the time I had a husband, a bird, a dog. It seemed impossible that I would lose my husband so soon. He was just 58 at the time, but I believed it would happen. And when the bird died at the end of March 2009, I knew I was on countdown.
Now it's June and all three are gone. I'm alone which had always been my worst nightmare. But guess what? I surprised myself. I learned to live alone and now miss it now that I'm with my dad. Still, I think about the changes in my life. How much has been altered in such a short time. Sometimes it takes my breath away and I don't know how I can go on. I must do everything now. So, yesterday I said goodbye to my apartment and came home to my new place. I connected my computer and got it working. I still love the laptop, but I'll admitt the whole battery issue is a mystery.
I bought a fax/printer/copier/scanner machine and connected it. I hope to network it so I can print to it from every computer soon.
Slowly, but surely the new person I am is emerging. Funny, how you think you forgot something, but here I am, connecting cables, killing spiders, making financial decisions and it seemed only yesterday that these task were happily handed over to DH.
I don't think I'll ever be the same. But for now, I'm thankful to God. He gave me a warning and I think it moved me along faster in taking charge of my life.
Now it's June and all three are gone. I'm alone which had always been my worst nightmare. But guess what? I surprised myself. I learned to live alone and now miss it now that I'm with my dad. Still, I think about the changes in my life. How much has been altered in such a short time. Sometimes it takes my breath away and I don't know how I can go on. I must do everything now. So, yesterday I said goodbye to my apartment and came home to my new place. I connected my computer and got it working. I still love the laptop, but I'll admitt the whole battery issue is a mystery.
I bought a fax/printer/copier/scanner machine and connected it. I hope to network it so I can print to it from every computer soon.
Slowly, but surely the new person I am is emerging. Funny, how you think you forgot something, but here I am, connecting cables, killing spiders, making financial decisions and it seemed only yesterday that these task were happily handed over to DH.
I don't think I'll ever be the same. But for now, I'm thankful to God. He gave me a warning and I think it moved me along faster in taking charge of my life.
Replies
I think you are correct -- we will never be the same. I suppose a \'new\' person has to emerge into this new way of life. Being Joe\'s wife was such a large part of my life that this still feels strange!
I was buying an anniversary card for my dtr and her hubby today and as i started looking at them the words \"our\" kept jumping out at me. I couldn\'t buy those!! Its just me now, not us -- so, no \"our wishes\". Stuff like that sometimes catches me off guard for a minute.
I understand where you are coming from. I\'m glad God is by our side. Hugs, Joely
You give us all a little hope. Doesn\'t amaze you how much your spouse did that you never realized or truly appreciated? It is the little things you mentioned. Paying the bills takes so much time and effort. You have a lot to be proud of.
Wow! You are pretty amazing that you are taking charge of your life and doing things that DH would have done. You have come a long way baby that is for sure! It is good to see. I can\'t believe it has been 13 months for you. It has only been seven months for me. Come July 15 it will be eight months. I still count the months since I lost my beloved Smokey. My life is changing all the time and won\'t be the same but I will be a different. Change is a constant thing on this planet. Everything changes. I am still grieving but in the form of sadness and depression. Everything makes me depressed and sad at the moment. The apartment makes me sad. It\'s not the same without Smoke in it. It is cheaper than renting a place for myself. If I can financially keep living in the apartment, it is the best for me. I just have monthly bills and yearly bills. The morgage is written off, homeline written of and Visa written off. The only thing that is left is the bank account and the car & car loan. When I get the Letters of Administration, I would like to sell the car to pay off the car loan. I hope it works out this way cause I can\'t afford to keep paying the car loan when I don\'t even drive. I am proud of you for all the changes you are doing in your life. All the best from Diane
I love your writing. Maybe you should write a book....hmmm just a thought. I hope you have a great day! Hugs~Shelley