challenging bits

I woke up this morning to my alarm at 445am.

I lingered in bed until 515am until I told myself

'this is no joke...get to work!' :)

I got down to church and started setting up...

my meds, for some reason some days are more impactful than others,

really kept me groggy...I got the work done though

and my mind was spinning about different things

as I tried to keep focused on the presentation of the service.

That's one challenging bit. I was finding the service so easy

and like habitual this morning - and then my mind started taunting me

a bit. So the grogginess and then the invasive thoughts, that's two bits.

I tried to keep objective or just clear and calm about things and then I thought about the others...

mainly the nuns and one of the newly ordained priests.

I thought about the sense of order here and how it works for some -

probably works more for some than others and it feels like a balancing act for me

of my own ethics and consideration of others and then also the harshness

of dealing with monastics in the kind of bitter, petty and spikey way they can be.

That's another challenging bit...the nun's choose this life perhaps because

relationships are hard for them - they're hard for me - and here in this overarching structure - they

find a kind of freedom. (incidentally I had a job interview yesterday and it left me

feeling like a number. It was cold and impersonal. Once I got back to the monastery

I felt the special touch that I was in a place where I was cared about. Indeed it is

a mix.) With that freedom here though a kind of insurance that you are cared for.

As the service went on this morning, I was thinking about challenging bits for others.

No one is superior to the other but some have challenging bits where others don't

and some have more talents or challenging bits in other areas than others do. I'm thinking

about Arfie and her use of the royal 'we.' I know what she's talking about.

I guess nowadays though, in political life, it really is showing me that 'might and talent make right.'

I believe every life has essential value - and I certainly have my fair share of challenging bits for

conducting my own life...I have therapy in a few hours. Can't wait!

I feel so lucky! Have a great day you guys! I didn't get my ideas out so well.

Earlier in the day they seemed a lot more clear what I wanted to write once I got back

to my room. Happy Friday!