Challenge to Stay Awake
I am so tired I can hardly stay awake. I took 6mg of xanax and 1mg of klonopin last night before bedtime. I woke up with a feeling of a hangover and now I am trying to get through the day. My vision is shifty and can't remain focused. Thankfully there is nothing that I have to do in school today. In history we are watching part of a film, discussing it and then watching a skit from group one. (I am in group 5). Then, in neuroscience I believe that its just finishing up a lecture and maybe getting into psychopharmacology. That will be one of my favorite subjects to learn more about, since I've been exposed to so much of it. I hate this tired feeling. Drank a rockstar energy drink do I am just waiting for that to kick in. It's not even 9:00am and I don't have class until 11:00am. So it seems as though all of my time is spent of this campus.
I've been feeling somewhat depressed. I am not sure why. Chau has kept dad in his room for sometime so I don't really get to talk to him. We usually watch TV together and talk. Tonight is my favorite TV evening and he doesn't really care for it so he usually goes upstairs on his own. Tonight I'm excited for Thursday night television. It makes me laugh even with this depression. I am confused. How are people suppose to help me is they don't know how I am feeling? I want to show the true me but, it would drive people further away from me than they already are. So I suppose that I will bottle those feelings and a present myself as a happy and healthy person.
Right now there is work that I could be doing, but I think that I will procrastinate that and just keep writing here. Since I have no psychologist this site will have to suffice. How do I let my parents know that I am really depressed with minimal suicidal thoughts, but they are still there. I don't think about them all the time like I used to, but they come and go as life changes here and there.
I need to live in this moment and this moment alone. Nothing else matters... well other than family. I miss my Bacia. Nothing will really be the same in the family without her here. I suppose we should have gone back to Chicago during thanksgiving and Christmas. I also suggested that my dad go alone and be with his mother and brothers and friends.
I have no money but I want to escape for a night or two. Maybe go stay at the Interlocken hotel or something. Something closer to the mountains and away from the city. I think that I am going to go read some Howard Zinn before my history class... which I have plenty of time to do. Well I know I am not going to be taking a xanax today, otherwise I'll fall right to sleep and that cant happen.
So tired.
Goodnight moon.
I've been feeling somewhat depressed. I am not sure why. Chau has kept dad in his room for sometime so I don't really get to talk to him. We usually watch TV together and talk. Tonight is my favorite TV evening and he doesn't really care for it so he usually goes upstairs on his own. Tonight I'm excited for Thursday night television. It makes me laugh even with this depression. I am confused. How are people suppose to help me is they don't know how I am feeling? I want to show the true me but, it would drive people further away from me than they already are. So I suppose that I will bottle those feelings and a present myself as a happy and healthy person.
Right now there is work that I could be doing, but I think that I will procrastinate that and just keep writing here. Since I have no psychologist this site will have to suffice. How do I let my parents know that I am really depressed with minimal suicidal thoughts, but they are still there. I don't think about them all the time like I used to, but they come and go as life changes here and there.
I need to live in this moment and this moment alone. Nothing else matters... well other than family. I miss my Bacia. Nothing will really be the same in the family without her here. I suppose we should have gone back to Chicago during thanksgiving and Christmas. I also suggested that my dad go alone and be with his mother and brothers and friends.
I have no money but I want to escape for a night or two. Maybe go stay at the Interlocken hotel or something. Something closer to the mountains and away from the city. I think that I am going to go read some Howard Zinn before my history class... which I have plenty of time to do. Well I know I am not going to be taking a xanax today, otherwise I'll fall right to sleep and that cant happen.
So tired.
Goodnight moon.
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