cha cha cha
i had a nice time with my family today - I know I am different ....perhaps I am just ..."me" - I am getting to be ok with it.. I am not sure why I am so different - but I don't know - the barbs that come my way I am not holding onto anymore and just dealing with the friction that happens in life - it's all around us - every day - and so I am just getting on with the day - I should probably go for a walk later - as that energy that gives me the get up and go - and the fight within - will double down on my mind - it's not healthy to sit still in front of the tv - I'll start getting down on my self - and depressive but I realize that's what it is - I am a quiet person - I need to believe I am worthy
and so I am - will believe it. Just doing laundry now - drank a beer and watched the TV. Not sure what to do next..being out with people is really good for me but now I have 'downtime' maybe I should use it to take on another project like housework. Point my energy towards that.
I could probably try and think of some fun things to do. Believe!! You are worthy!!! :)
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my therapist and my father both urge me to be more 'in person' social. I totally get that I need to. I also have great discomfort
that I am trying to grow out of when I approach this. If left to my own devices I would retreat into my own world....one therapist said to me "you need a whole world" and so I understand. I used to create whole worlds in my art projects at a kid down in the basement...
but that's just a tangent - maybe I can start setting myself to succeed at socializing by challenging my preconceived notions about that friendships I will make out there... they won't be all perfect and free of friction - I hope I would be a good friend and also enjoy it as well.
By the way, I have wondered if I was ever on the Autism spectrum. I hear they can be related to what I struggle with.
I have also heard that in one language the word for Autism literally is "Of his/her own time and space." So it makes me
just reminded of my own inclination. :)
Your yoga class is socializing Mark. I get my socialization from work because I work in retail and talk to a lot of people when I'm at work. When I get off work I like to be quiet and just be alone. I guess I've just found peace in being with myself. I hope you can find what it is you want. I will keep positive thoughts for you.
thanks Becky!