Celebrating One year with out Hospitalization!

One year ago yesterday was my last hospitalization. The past 4 years I was averaging hospitalization every 3 months due to suicidal attempts and severe self mutilation. This is really amazing. I never thought I could last so long. I drove around in my car with a bag packed for 9 months just incase I was baker acted. I finally took it out of my car in November. That was a huge step for me. It did cause a little panic. Then just on the 12th of this month I threw my razor blades in the garbage. Well, actually I gave them to Jesus. I am starting to get a handle on the fact that when I am self mutilating myself I'm causing sadness in the heart of my Savior. He loves me and wants me to be set free from all this wickedness. So, this past year has been supernaturally joined with the grace and lovingkindness of my Lord. There was actually no way I could have gone threw all that therapy with out Him to bring healing and tender love to my soul and clarity of thought to my mind.
I am still acting out with a knife. I know it is still self mutilation. So, I'm working on that. Along with binge eating. I'm sad that I still try to control my pain by inflicting pain to myself. I pray this year I will come to really understand the sadness of what I am doing to myself. I am my worst abuser. So, I pray for help as usual that I can embrace the issues of my personalities and heal instead of hurting each other.