Cassi
Cassi...sigh...so I saw the gift for our friend with her daughter's name right on the bottle of lotion as a version on a pear...another friend with a candle with her beautiful son's photo...these things are sooooo very important and mean so much to us.
I went to Amazon and typed in Cassi and it turns out "Cassi" means elderberry in French and there actually are tons of items...the name is actually "Cassis", but it's close enough for me <3. I ordered a few things, what I really wanted was some Jo Malone products but they are so expensive and I have overspent lately...so it will have to wait. I mean, a candle is $80, lotion is $80...it must be good stuff!
As most of you know, if you have read my last few entries, I have been trying to be more positive and grateful...so it comes as a surprise when negative emotions overcome me. I have not educated myself enough yet to know what to do in that situation, so I go with my instinct and just hold on and ride it out. Guilt is a f***ing b***h and gets on my back and won't let go!!! Why didn't I treasure Cassi's name before I lost her??? Her name is unusual, the spelling more so...so the fact that there are products and musicians and authors with her exact name, correct spelling and all is such a blessing for me now. Why didn't I make it my business to find out these things back then??? If she had known how much she was truly treasured would she still be here???
I'm such a better person now...I'd be such a better parent. I think there should be a change in the way things are done. When you are young you have healthy eggs, physically healthy babies, but you are not mature enough to raise a human being till at least 40! I think the young girls should deliver the babies and let us raise them. Not sure how to work all that out...it would be complicated...but just imagine!!! Giving birth to babies in your early 20's, to be raised by your mother...you can visit all you want, maybe even live together. Wow, I just described an elephant colony, lol...exactly one reason I love elephants so much...
I miss you Cassi...if you can't be with me, I just can't wait to be with you my love, my dear one.
I went to Amazon and typed in Cassi and it turns out "Cassi" means elderberry in French and there actually are tons of items...the name is actually "Cassis", but it's close enough for me <3. I ordered a few things, what I really wanted was some Jo Malone products but they are so expensive and I have overspent lately...so it will have to wait. I mean, a candle is $80, lotion is $80...it must be good stuff!
As most of you know, if you have read my last few entries, I have been trying to be more positive and grateful...so it comes as a surprise when negative emotions overcome me. I have not educated myself enough yet to know what to do in that situation, so I go with my instinct and just hold on and ride it out. Guilt is a f***ing b***h and gets on my back and won't let go!!! Why didn't I treasure Cassi's name before I lost her??? Her name is unusual, the spelling more so...so the fact that there are products and musicians and authors with her exact name, correct spelling and all is such a blessing for me now. Why didn't I make it my business to find out these things back then??? If she had known how much she was truly treasured would she still be here???
I'm such a better person now...I'd be such a better parent. I think there should be a change in the way things are done. When you are young you have healthy eggs, physically healthy babies, but you are not mature enough to raise a human being till at least 40! I think the young girls should deliver the babies and let us raise them. Not sure how to work all that out...it would be complicated...but just imagine!!! Giving birth to babies in your early 20's, to be raised by your mother...you can visit all you want, maybe even live together. Wow, I just described an elephant colony, lol...exactly one reason I love elephants so much...
I miss you Cassi...if you can't be with me, I just can't wait to be with you my love, my dear one.
Replies
Tight hugs! Hindsight is 20/20. There are so many what ifs and why didn\'t I? We do the best we can, knowing deep down that for whatever reason, our children were taken from us far too soon.
This time of year reminds us what treasures we have lost and we honor them.
Wishing you love and peace, M
Our wisdom comes at a very high price. Yes we know better now. Is this what we have to do in order to live? I think it is. Being in the world giving some purpose to ourselves is the accomplishment we need. ONE foot in front of the other. Sending you some peace, Kathy
I adored my son Jesse and his name then as I do now, I believe I was very mature when I gave birth to him and the funny thing is I did not even want my mom to feed him. I wanted to do it all... My mother was afraid of me when I was an infant, she thought I would break if she bathed me, so my grandmother did, I believe we are all unique and different in our own ways and I was more ready 10 years later when I had Justin. Now both of my sisters had my mom help raise their babies, they left them with our parents for week ends and ect. I for some reason, loved every single bit of motherhood. Loosing my boy\'s has been so devastating for me.Your daughter Cassi has a beautiful name.XOX,Debbie
I loved raising my children, I picked out their names with care. Now Mike is ins Gods hands I do hate that he is gone. I do hope he is watching over me just like Cassi is watching out for you.
Keep working for the positive, it is well worth it.
Tight hugs Penny