cant sleep again
i fall asleep without a problem, but i wake sometimes multiple times during the night. i sometimes fantasize about what life will be like...about having a husband...about finishing college...i have trouble getting and staying comfortable. hopefully its the pregnancy. of course after the baby comes out ill b more comfortable, but less sleep as the babys cries will b heard. they say that the baby can cry now, but i cant hear her b/c of the fluid. how weird wld that be to hear cries coming from my uterus?
cld b heartburn 2.
i hate that i cant sleep through the night and i have all these crazy dreams. im doing ok. i got straight a's this semester. my house got kinda junky. my mom came over and cleaned. lectured me about letting the kids not clean up. i often dont stay after them 2 clean. i make them clean some, but not as much as they shd b/c im often so tired im in bed.
i wonder how much of my lack of sleep is b/c of the separation and impending divorce and how much is b/c of being pregnant.
im getting closer to the Lord. as my pastor says going from a believe faith to an i know faith. so i guess thats a good reason to go through all this negativity. i havent 4given my earthly husband. hes still doing me and his children a disservice. by not paying the support that he agreed 2 he is giving me more stress. and making it harder 4 me to take care of our children. i dont 4give him 4 that either. he continues to add more illwill as time passes.
and i am going through this pregnancy in some ways alone.
i hate having to wake and feel preg pain late nite early morn alone. not being sure who 2 call. i usually call my husband b/c regardless of how he acts its his responsibility. i dont wanna inconvenience anyone else. but im never sure if he'll be there, available if hell answer his phone or what.
when i go into labor.....im afraid that when i go into labor ill either b alone or alone with the kids. i have people i can call. im blessed to have a reliable and loving support system. but really i wish that cld b my husband.
so i accept the reality but am saddened by it.
cld b heartburn 2.
i hate that i cant sleep through the night and i have all these crazy dreams. im doing ok. i got straight a's this semester. my house got kinda junky. my mom came over and cleaned. lectured me about letting the kids not clean up. i often dont stay after them 2 clean. i make them clean some, but not as much as they shd b/c im often so tired im in bed.
i wonder how much of my lack of sleep is b/c of the separation and impending divorce and how much is b/c of being pregnant.
im getting closer to the Lord. as my pastor says going from a believe faith to an i know faith. so i guess thats a good reason to go through all this negativity. i havent 4given my earthly husband. hes still doing me and his children a disservice. by not paying the support that he agreed 2 he is giving me more stress. and making it harder 4 me to take care of our children. i dont 4give him 4 that either. he continues to add more illwill as time passes.
and i am going through this pregnancy in some ways alone.
i hate having to wake and feel preg pain late nite early morn alone. not being sure who 2 call. i usually call my husband b/c regardless of how he acts its his responsibility. i dont wanna inconvenience anyone else. but im never sure if he'll be there, available if hell answer his phone or what.
when i go into labor.....im afraid that when i go into labor ill either b alone or alone with the kids. i have people i can call. im blessed to have a reliable and loving support system. but really i wish that cld b my husband.
so i accept the reality but am saddened by it.
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