cant do this anymore
..I am just hurting so bad...he wants me dead (evil inside me) and I cant stop believing that he is right and that the pain will never end unless my life is over....meds not helping...dr not helping...family and friends dont know how much I hurt and I just cant bring myself to tell them...dont want to make them upset or feel useless cause they cant help....if I just end it all then I know friends and family will hurt for a while but they will eventually get over it and be able to move on with their lives never to be bothered by me again...I am just totally worn out and cant see it getting any better in the future....this is what he wants and I guess he is going to get his way...and I cant wait till he just pushes me a little further and go all the way...then im gone...pain is over just like that..........BUT.....now a bit from me if I can manage it ,if he will let me have my say.............I want to live, I want to be happy, I want him gone, I want to enjoy my life, my kids and husband..............WHY ME... no one deserves this torment...GO AWAY
Replies
Jules,
Be brave...and keep looking for the doctors that will be able to help you...the are out there. I tried to commit suicide in October 2010 and I am glad I made it back from the edge. When my fiance found me he said I was barely breathing and he called the ambulance. Lucky that he did it when he did otherwise I wouldn\'t be here. The problem with committing suicide is that if someone you love saves you, you will most likely be kept in the hospital in the psych ward, and believe me that isn\'t much fun at all. All I could think about while I was in the psych ward, all I could think of was coming home.. My darling fiance came to visit me everyday that I was in the hospital but I felt very alone when he wasn\'t there. No matter how you try to kill yourself there will always be someone around to find you...and wouldn\'t you feel bad if it was one of your children? I\'m sure that your husband and kids would miss you so much!! ! I saw how it affected my fiance he gets tears in his eyes to this day ((2 yrs later) when we talk about what happened.
Please private message me to let me know you are still around!! I want to help you as much as I can. You can talk to me... I know what your going through!! TRUST ME!!
People here can and will listen to you..not all, but the kind, compassionate ones will. you don\'t have to fight this alone any longer than you have...you do deserve all you mentioned and with the help of others, it will happen as long as you don\'t stop fighting for them.
Jules, I can\'t help but be VERY concerned for what you are talking bout. There are 2 things I would like to bring up:
Why let \"him\" win. If you do nothing, \"he\" (the evil one) wins. If you help him, he wins. Don\'t let him win.
Secondly, I lost a cousin of mine before her nineteenth birthday. That was more than 40 years ago. To this day, I miss her. I am sure her mother, father, sister, and brother miss her. We all miss her in different ways, but....we miss her.
Think about it before you let him win. You my THINK you wont be missed, but, can you really say what others might miss. and, yes, there may be days they are sooo caught up in other issues that you are not on the top of their concerns. But, you never know when you will be on the top of that \"pile\" or how much you will be missed. My cousin comes to my mind at very unusual times. and, she died more than 40 years ago.