Can't sweep it under the rug anymore

For 35 years I have tried to deal with the things that happened in my childhood.  I just tried to forget all the fights, the threats, punishment and how I felt like I could not escape.  In my 20's and 30's I drank- it kept the nightmares away.  The older I got, the worse the nightmares got.  I don't drink anymore and now I am at the mercy of the terror.  I have trouble going to sleep; I toss, turn, and kick to the point of tearing the bedding off the bed.  Just discovered I am now eating in my sleep.  The worst is waking up in a cold sweat, shaking. I don't remember all the nightmares, just occasional pieces.  I am seeing a counselor now.  I had seen a phsychologist before but stop when she wanted me to write to a family member.  I just can't do it.  I wrote off most of them years ago.  I don't remember everything that happened.  I do remember booby trapping the stairs to my room because I was so scared. The man my mother was married to was a schizophrentic off their meds.  He was mean and terrifying to be around.  Now I am trying to deal with my husband's recent diagnosis of bipolar with psychotic elements.  It's like re-living the nightmare.  I just want someone to help me make sense of it all.  Mostly I desperately want the nightmares to stop.