Can't seem to leave the apartment today

I can't seem to leave or want to leave the apartment today.  It is going to be seven months on June 15th.  It has been seven months since I lost the love of my life.  I wanted to go out as it is a nice sun shiny day today.  A limited amount of sun contains Vitamin D which is good for our bodies.  I just can't push myself outside.  Most days I make myself go out and do errands and things.  It is easier and better for me to go out with my friends or family members.  They make me happy.  My friend Carol has an excellent sense of humor.  She makes me laugh.  Alone is not the same thing.  What does one do alone?  I have no idea.  When I was younger, I went out with my friends mostly.  My soul is down cast that is for sure.  I wished that either Smokey was alive or I had someone new in my life to go out with and have fun.   I am not the type of person to be alone for long.  I like having a companion in my life to have fun with or go on adventures together.  Smokey was my companion and partner in life.  We were each others soul makes, love of each others life and partners in the fun kind of crime.  I loved Smokey deeply.  I will take a long time to heal from Smokey's death.  I will probably start dating again and carry Smokey in my heart forever.   The one thing that is constant in life is change.  My life has taken one hundred per cent turn around.  It is not the direction I wanted it to go in that is for sure.  I am a new adventure of my life and I have no idea where it will be going which is okay.  When you start a new adventure, it can be scary.  We all like to know where we are going and what we will be doing.  You don't know any of this when you have to start over again.  Sometimes scary can be good for us as well.  It can get the adrenolin going in our bodies when you get excited.  I enjoy going out with people and probably am frustrated that everyone is busy today like my brother Don, friend Carol and daughter Lisa.  It makes me frustrated but that's okay.  It is good for us to be alone every once in awhile.  It is good to be alone with our feelings but not for a long time.  Most of us are designed to be with other people as we are human beings.  I am rambling or venting all these things out so thank you for listening to me from Diane