Can't Handle Disappointing them AGAIN!
For as long as I can remember I've been obese, but the past few years I've been gaining weight a lot in a short periods of time. The first year after I left home gaining weight was because I didn't know how to cook, so I basically lived on pizza, burgers and junk food. In less than a year I gained about 26 pounds. When I returned home for the summer my parents were shocked, and because this was terrible and could cause so many problems health wise, they thought that maybe I should consider having surgery, like stapling my stomach or ring or whatever. And I was on board with the idea, I wanted to have the surgery but it was too expensive so we had to dismiss it.
I dieted lightly that summer and it wasn't hard because my parents supported me, made sure that whatever I was eating was healthy and motivated me to go to the gym. When I came back I gained even more weight. I gained the weight I had lost over the summer and gained about 24 more pounds, a total of 30 something pounds is 7 months. I knew that there was no way I could go back home for the summer looking the way I did, so for two months I dieted really hard and lost about 25 pounds. When I went back the next summer, it was obvious that I had gained weight, so my parents knew we had to do something. They made me go see a nutritionist. At first I was against it but after I started I liked it, I was losing weight, I was exercising with a trainer and it wasn't too tough. However my parents brought up surgery again. This time it wasn't a problem financially, but I refused, I thought I could handle doing the diet with the nutritionist and they didn't want to push me because it was a surgery and they didn't want to force me into it. Throughout the summer I lost about 45 pounds. At the end of summer I was 220 pounds. Between September and today I've gained 60 pounds! I don't even know how that happened. Now I'm 273 pounds, and I'm going home in 46 days. In the next 46 days I have to lose at least 55 pounds or my parents are going to freak out! I know that they're just worried, but I know they'll also be disappointed, and I cannot handle anymore of that. I've already disappointed them in so many ways, I can't handle anymore.
I've already started a diet, and I'm slowly starting to exercise. A part of me really believes I can do it if I push myself hard enough. I've done it before, over the summer. But a part of me has been so depressed and I spend so much time just cuddled in bed not in the mood to move, like I lost all my energy, that I don't know if I can push myself to get out of bed, to go to the gym, to cook healthy. But at the same time I keep seeing their faces if I go home looking and weighing the way I am today, and it's not a face I want to see. It's not a face I can handle seeing.
I honestly don't know how to deal with all of it. I'm trying to be positive about and hope that I can do it, that I would be able to push myself, to exercise, to stay on a healthy diet, but I don't know how long I can last.
I dieted lightly that summer and it wasn't hard because my parents supported me, made sure that whatever I was eating was healthy and motivated me to go to the gym. When I came back I gained even more weight. I gained the weight I had lost over the summer and gained about 24 more pounds, a total of 30 something pounds is 7 months. I knew that there was no way I could go back home for the summer looking the way I did, so for two months I dieted really hard and lost about 25 pounds. When I went back the next summer, it was obvious that I had gained weight, so my parents knew we had to do something. They made me go see a nutritionist. At first I was against it but after I started I liked it, I was losing weight, I was exercising with a trainer and it wasn't too tough. However my parents brought up surgery again. This time it wasn't a problem financially, but I refused, I thought I could handle doing the diet with the nutritionist and they didn't want to push me because it was a surgery and they didn't want to force me into it. Throughout the summer I lost about 45 pounds. At the end of summer I was 220 pounds. Between September and today I've gained 60 pounds! I don't even know how that happened. Now I'm 273 pounds, and I'm going home in 46 days. In the next 46 days I have to lose at least 55 pounds or my parents are going to freak out! I know that they're just worried, but I know they'll also be disappointed, and I cannot handle anymore of that. I've already disappointed them in so many ways, I can't handle anymore.
I've already started a diet, and I'm slowly starting to exercise. A part of me really believes I can do it if I push myself hard enough. I've done it before, over the summer. But a part of me has been so depressed and I spend so much time just cuddled in bed not in the mood to move, like I lost all my energy, that I don't know if I can push myself to get out of bed, to go to the gym, to cook healthy. But at the same time I keep seeing their faces if I go home looking and weighing the way I am today, and it's not a face I want to see. It's not a face I can handle seeing.
I honestly don't know how to deal with all of it. I'm trying to be positive about and hope that I can do it, that I would be able to push myself, to exercise, to stay on a healthy diet, but I don't know how long I can last.
Replies
I wish you well on your diet. If I might add, think of it as a life style change not a diet because a diet is something you stop but a life style change lasts longer.
Stress is one of the biggest factors in weight gain. As long as you worry about your weight, you\'re going to continue to face the up and down cycle. As hard as it is (trust me, I know), you have to let go, take a deep breath, and decide to make the necessary changes for YOU. Give yourself a big hug and remind yourself that you are important and worth having a healthy and happy life. Get right with yourself and everything else will fall into place. Once you gain the confidence and happiness that you deserve, you will overcome your obstacles and your family will be so proud of your efforts...without the surgery. I am praying for you and rooting for your success! Hugs :)
I agree with what the others have said. I also know exactly what you are going through. I was always overweight, but have gained 120 lbs since November of 2004, all because of depression. In less than a year, I have gained 20 lbs. I keep blaming all of it on things that I can control, but feel I have no control over. I know I have it in me, but it just seems easier to stay in bed. Last week, I decided to get a goal of 20 lbs in 6.5 weeks, with the reward of going to Disney(Which my husband and I try to do every year at tax time). I have told myself that if I do not put forth the effort and lose 20 lbs, I do not need to be going to Disney. It is hard. But, I am taking it day by day and not beating myself up if I have a slip up. I have lost 3 lbs so far. We can do this together. If you need an outside motivator(Like I know I do), I can be here for you. Just keep swimming, as Dori would say.