Can\'t Feel

It is sad to know that I cannot feel what is going on around me. I cannot go forward without having this feeling of being pulled back by some force. I want to start to maintain a journal in a book on paper, but then o one will hear me. I cannot get feedback from the community that may be able to understand me than my own mind. Am I out of my mind? I applied for a job and went in twice for interviews. Today i woke up at the same time and in the same position as I do every morning, however, this morning I woke up to find myself uninterested in going to the gym and een showering. I just put some clothes on and went for a drive. I went to go look for a new car. Like I can pay for that with no income. I dont know what I was thinking. I went to look for more health insurane for some reason and I washed y car to make mself feel better about owning it. I did turn in my application to be a volunteer at the Children's Hospital. I guess that I will apply at the Safeway near my house just incase. I am a student and I am living with my mother, so the money I make is for me to save. I am anxious about movney so saving it is key in my life.  I am so nervous to sit hear ot knowing what is going to happen in the future. I eel so unorganized. I am going to call Martin+Osa tomorrow and see if they hae gotten my refrences. I hope that have and I can start on Monday. It would be te simplist to just get this job. So please... let me get this job. I wil talk to you all later. Z.