Can't catch a break...
Things just never seem to get better. Once someting good happens that cheers me up for five minutes, theres just something bad lurking around the corner to put me back in my place. My husband and I just got back from a little mini-vaction that we had planned due to what has happened. Monday was my due date, and I knew that it was going to be a terrible day, so we decided to plan something extremely fun to keep our minds off of it. I had been wanting to go to this waterpark in Tennesse for a long time, so we drove up Sunday, riding through Gatlinburg on our way in. We sat on the deck of the Bubba Gump Shrimp company, and it was so much fun because the weather was awesome. The next day we went to the water park, and it was a complete blast. I only got upset a few times when I saw this little baby girl with her ears pierced and it reminded me of how I wanted to pierce my daughters. Today we came home and it was wonderful. We went for a drive through this scenic place called Cades Cove and I saw a ton of deer and even a little black bear like thirty feet away. So we got home and life seemed wonderful. Due date over and done with, another milestone marked off, and I was finally ready to just look forward to being pregnant again. Then we called my doctor. We called my doctor, who is my sister-in-law by the way, to see if my test results were back in. I had gone and had blood drawn at my 6week checkup to see if I have any clotting disorders. Well, needless to say that day at the doctor was hell. Seeing all those pregnant women and babies, and even hearing a heartbeat down the hall. The lady asked me why I was getting blood drawn and I was so upset that I couldn't even answer her. Then I looked over and saw that she had taken only four vials of blood. I remembered the post that all the women had about them taking 15 to 20 vials, and I was kind of confused, but I just got over it. I was glad to have that visit over. Well, I have been anxiously awaiting the test results, and when my husband called his sister they said that they didn't take enough blood from me so they couldn't run two of the very important tests. Seriously. You have got to be kidding me. I have been waiting all this time, and after the hell that I went through just trying to make it through that visit, and still nothing. Not only do I still not know if something is wrong with me, but I have to go back and go through that all over again. More needles, more vials, more pregnant people, more nurses wondering why I'm crying (hello, look at the chart, its on there, I saw it myself). Then I find out that my sister-in-law knew the results last Friday. She didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to ruin my trip, which is kind of ironic now. I actually felt better today than I had in a while, so instead of hearing it Friday and having Saturday to adjust and get over it and move on, I get to get all happy and hopeful again only to hear that I have to go back for them to draw more blood. Seriously, I have to go back to the office with all that, like its easy on me, to have a needle stuck in my arm, to get more blood and wait another two weeks to hear if I am healthy enough to have a healthy baby. Thats just where my fun begins. Even though my husband is amazing and has been outstanding through all of this, he gets so offended everytime I get angry at anybody at that doctors office or questions anything. I"m not trying to attack his sister, or anybody there, I'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do. It just seems like no one cares until its too late. His sister was soo concerned about my feelings that she held the results from me, but she wasn't concerned when I was at the office getting the tests done...well, not concerned enough to supervise or assure that I was getting the best treatment. That just makes it harder on me, because everyone in his family treats her like she is so perfect and just remarkable because she delivered my little girl. HELLO!!! I delivered my little girl, and if she was so damed remarkable she would have looked out for me the eight months my little girl was with me, not just the two days that I lost her. Its like no one cares until something goes wrong or gets messed up. they just whisk you in and out of those rooms like you're getting a vaccination or something. My husband is so tired of hearing this, and I'm tired of saying it. But who am I supposed to go to? Or better yet, what if I don't want to go to anyone else about this? I just want something to go in our favor for once. And I just wish he would let me be angry, and get angrier and angrier if I need to, until I"m so angry that I just scream and cuss and cry it all out. I just feel like I carry so much guilt already that its actually nice for me to be able to be mad at someone else besides myself for a change. I just need some good news, and quick. I try to do things to cheer myself up, like the vacation, but I can't help it when things get me down. My husband wants me to stop getting so upset over the things I can't control, but I can't control how I feel. I have done the best I can do, and I'm amazed and proud of my progress, but its not over, and he needs to know that. I will still have those days that I take a step back, and if its because of someone else, he should be grateful, because that just means that I'm not mad and me and not mad at him!
Replies
I am so sorry you couldn\'t just enjoy your mini vacation and come back to a peaceful home. I don\'t even know your sister in law and I seriously would love to smack her. You did the hard part, you delivered your daughter. I just don\'t understand why she isn\'t going out of her way for you. I know you are having a rough time and I\'m just so sorry. Fighting with your hubby is the last thing you want to do right now. You have the right to get upset over anything you want, and he just needs to accept that. You aren\'t going to be upset forever, but he needs to let you vent when you need to and feel what you need to.
I\'m here if you ever want to chat again. Lots of hugs-Heather
I\'m so sorry you\'re having such a rough time. I agree with Heather - you have the right to get upset over anything you want. And if he doesn\'t understand, you have us. I just told my husband that very thing - he snapped at me about something about Gianna, he just didn\'t get it. I told him my friends here would get it. I think the men just want to move on, but we, as women, need to talk . . . and talk . . . and talk.
Have you considered changing OBs? You wouldn\'t have to tell the real reason . . . just that it\'s too painful to go back there.
Hugs to you - Sher
I\'m so sorry the end of your blissful weekend ended up sucking... Regular life hurts even more for all of us, so the big stuff is really painful. I hope that your husband can understand that soon.
Love and prayers,
Jasmine
You shouldn\'t have to go back there - when I had my 6-week check-up my OB arranged it on a day that she didn\'t have a whole bunch of pregnant women booked, to be sensitive to my situation. It seems like your sister in law should be MORE sensitive to you, not less.... In the meantime, blood doesn\'t have to be drawn at a specific place, any lab can do it. Maybe you could have someone in your family who you trust talk to your sister in law and find out if you can get the blood drawn somewhere else and then sent to the right place for testing....just a thought...it\'s so great that you made the effort to have a good time - and I know that can be a real effort! You do have a right to get angry when people treat you badly, and I hope your husband can find it in his heart to understand that. Sometimes husbands don\'t have quite the emotional range that we do, they just know they feel \'bad\' and don\'t want to feel that way anymore. I hope you get a chance to talk to him about what you need when you are not both angry, because it never comes out right under those circumstances! But you\'re right, you can\'t always go to someone else, he has to be with your feelings sometimes... I hope the new day brings you some peace...wishing you loads of strength and hope and all things wonderful...Nikkiann xo
I\'m so sorry that they screwed things up and your weekend was ruined.You have the right to be angry. Don\'t hold those feelings in. I hope that your husband realizes that it is nothing against his sister. Keeping you in my prayers for an easy trip back to the drs. Hugs, Cynthia
Hi. I can relate to alot of what you are saying. My husband gets frustrated with me for being so angry. He keeps telling me it could be worse.... I told him to stop it. To me loosing my baby girl is the absolute worse. Now that he understands that he has stopped saying it.
I decided to change doctors just because it will be too hard to see the same person. I feel like she was not very caring, and like she should have done more to save my little girl. It sounds like you need a new doctor. Your sister in law cannot be objective when caring for you. And it sounds like you cannot be completely honest around her. I think it would be good to have a fresh start. I know even just deciding to change doctors gave me some relief, and I did not have the added stress of family.
Best of luck to you. I know things will get better, they just have to.