Can't catch a break...

Things just never seem to get better.  Once someting good happens that cheers me up for five minutes, theres just something bad lurking around the corner to put me back in my place.   My husband and I just got back from a little mini-vaction that we had planned due to what has happened.  Monday was my due date, and I knew that it was going to be a terrible day, so we decided to plan something extremely fun to keep our minds off of it.  I had been wanting to go to this waterpark in Tennesse for a long time, so we drove up Sunday, riding through Gatlinburg on our way in.  We sat on the deck of the Bubba Gump Shrimp company, and it was so much fun because the weather was awesome.  The next day we went to the water park, and it was a complete blast.  I only got upset a few times when I saw this little baby girl with her ears pierced and it reminded me of how I wanted to pierce my daughters.  Today we came home and it was wonderful.  We went for a drive through this scenic place called Cades Cove and I saw a ton of deer and even a little black bear like thirty feet away.  So we got home and life seemed wonderful.  Due date over and done with, another milestone marked off, and I was finally ready to just look forward to being pregnant again. Then we called my doctor. We called my doctor, who is my sister-in-law by the way, to see if my test results were back in.  I had gone and had blood drawn at my 6week checkup to see if I have any clotting disorders.  Well, needless to say that day at the doctor was hell.  Seeing all those pregnant women and babies, and even hearing a heartbeat down the hall.  The lady asked me why I was getting blood drawn and I was so upset that I couldn't even answer her.  Then I looked over and saw that she had taken only four vials of blood. I remembered the post that all the women had about them taking 15 to 20 vials, and I was kind of confused, but I just got over it.  I was glad to have that visit over.  Well, I have been anxiously awaiting the test results, and when my husband called his sister they said that they didn't take enough blood from me so they couldn't run two of the very important tests.  Seriously. You have got to be kidding me.  I have been waiting all this time, and after the hell that I went through just trying to make it through that visit, and still nothing.   Not only do I still not know if something is wrong with me, but I have to go back and go through that all over again.  More needles, more vials, more pregnant people, more nurses wondering why I'm crying (hello, look at the chart, its on there, I saw it myself).  Then I find out that my sister-in-law knew the results last Friday.  She didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to ruin my trip, which is kind of ironic now.  I actually felt better today than I had in a while, so instead of hearing it Friday and having Saturday to adjust and get over it and move on, I get to get all happy and hopeful again only to hear that I have to go back for them to draw more blood.  Seriously, I have to go back to the office with all that, like its easy on me, to have a needle stuck in my arm, to get more blood and wait another two weeks to hear if I am healthy enough to have a healthy baby. Thats just where my fun begins.  Even though my husband is amazing and has been outstanding through all of this, he gets so offended everytime I get angry at anybody at that doctors office or questions anything.  I"m not trying to attack his sister, or anybody there, I'm just so frustrated I don't know what to do.  It just seems like no one cares until its too late. His sister was soo concerned about my feelings that she held the results from me, but she wasn't concerned when I was at the office getting the tests done...well, not concerned enough to supervise or assure that I was getting the best treatment.  That just makes it harder on me, because everyone in his family treats her like she is so perfect and just remarkable because she delivered my little girl. HELLO!!! I delivered my little girl, and if she was so damed remarkable she would have looked out for me the eight months my little girl was with me, not just the two days that I lost her.  Its like no one cares until something goes wrong or gets messed up.  they just whisk you in and out of those rooms like you're getting a vaccination or something.  My husband is so tired of hearing this, and I'm tired of saying it.  But who am I supposed to go to? Or better yet, what if I don't want to go to anyone else about this?  I just want something to go in our favor for once.  And I just wish he would let me be angry, and get angrier and angrier if I need to, until I"m so angry that I just scream and cuss and cry it all out.  I just feel like I carry so much guilt already that its actually nice for me to be able to be mad at someone else besides myself for a change.   I just need some good news, and quick.  I try to do things to cheer myself up, like the vacation, but I can't help it when things get me down.  My husband wants me to stop getting so upset over the things I can't control, but I can't control how I feel.  I have done the best I can do, and I'm amazed and proud of my progress, but its not over, and he needs to know that.  I will still have those days that I take a step back, and if its because of someone else, he should be grateful, because that just means that I'm not mad and me and not mad at him!