Calming things

 

It may be why I write here so much. I seek out a truth that consoles and grounds me. I did  a lot of physical work in the kitchen today and then had to rush super fast to get ready for setting up and for performing/conducting vespers. I was a nervous wreck, frail and fractured, fatigued.. It's a super change in modalities, from creative physical handywork to spirituality and a sense of showmanship (I can see how actors on stage might feel. Everytime they want to knock it out of the park no matter what else in life is going on and it's a full body and spirit workout.) So I go to church and I decided to think about what I was doing. It is a performance and as I said I want to do a good job each and every time. I had to transition to a performative state of mind and it helped and I started to think about how I was delivering the prayers. How some need to hear it. I warmed up to it …did a good job!

Many things later,

I got back to Blue and the tv is on (laptop). Blue is on my stomach and happy. Blue is holding onto a truth too:) He seems to

release his stress when he lays on my belly - with a big sigh and release. Ahhh zen kitty.

 

I realized we’re all in a kind holding onto a truth. And sometimes though I wrote this passage yesterday,

it takes some distance and time to look at it and to sigh and release it into being :).