called my ex at like 6 am

i cldnt sleep.  i ended up asking him the same questions ive asked like a million times.  and i ended up yelling and hanging up on him.  i realized that i cant mourn the death of a marriage until i consider it dead.  all my hope must be gone.  i have to accept its truly over 2 get on with things.  how do i do that? how does someone who believes in til death do us part kill her own hope?
i cant mourn and hope at the same time.  and hoping hurts a lot.  he just doesnt want me.  whatever reason he gives for y we are where we are.  in my mind the answer is give it 2 God, God will fix it.  he fixed it 4 me.  i was able to 4give u...hell fix ur issues too.  but if my ex doesnt c it that way it doesnt matter how i c it. 
how do i get past this?
its natural and human 2 want love including romantic love and to want someone whom u r committed to, to be equally committed to u.  im not crazy.  im human.  this is natural.  its natural to want ur marriage to work and last.  and to hurt when it doesnt.  how do i make the hurt stop? sometimes it seems like it hurts less and less often.  other times its so intense.
bt thankfully i realize at this moment i realize that it is intense, but its not as acky and painful as it once was.
i guess thats progress. amen



I am sorry you are still hurting. This guy is a jerk though. You are better off without him.