Burning Anger

I know it has been months since I dated Sunny.  But I am still so angry at him.  Like burning anger still.  I don't know how to correctly journalize it.

I guess I feel so played and so used... also so manipulated.   We would talk and hang out, then he goes cold and not answer my texts and phone calls.  Then talk to me again after a month or several weeks.  Then I'd fall for him again and then bam! Cold wall.  Then we talk again, and this time we dated despite everyone I know telling me it's a bad idea.  It was a wonderful month spending time with each other. Then pushes me away and dumps me.  Tries to pick things up again... contacts me and gets my hopes up and then drops me.  We talk again and drops me. Every time he drops me he has these amazing and sound reasonable excuses. He always said just the right things to make me feel loved and special. And since the beginning, he said he loved me. Now I'm just haunted by memories and the happiness I felt during those memories.  

He even pulled out a ring one time and wanted me to wear it for a day.  This was around the first round of dating. Yeah, I knew that was a red flag, but... Then I started believing that hey, maybe there's a future here.  That he was serious.  He knew this and he used that against me.  I kept trying despite all my friends and family telling me he's bad for me.  He's a manipulator, or he's narcissistic, and so many other things.  I thought, hey if love is true, we will get through all of this.  He loves me and we will endure the hardships and overcome everyone's doubts.  But he was always dropping me and ready to find a reason why we did not belong despite him "loving" me.

Truthfully, I think he only "loves" me and recontacts me because something didn't work out with the person he was seeing.  Only comes to me when he's feeling lonely or needs an ego boost.  I'm so tired of his games.  Now I'm just left with burning anger. I feel so played and used.  You would think being older and more experienced, I would have seen this a mile away...  And with most guys I never let me guard down.  Most guys get fed up because I keep such a high thick wall.  I don't know how I managed to let someone like him to bring me down.