broken

thursday i have therapy sessions and mine went fairly ok got home hungry so went to bk took a nap after i got home my bfriend had a couple of beers then the fun happened -not- alcoholism runs deep in my family and i divorced my husband because he was abusive especially when drinking so now i'm walking on eggshells and the new boyfriend got angry and started calling names so i might just leave this guy also i just cant seem to find a good person not that i realy am out there looking it brings up the past and PTSD issues when i see a guy drinking so now he is sleeping and i am pretty freaked and calls will be made next week to find out what my options are for leaving and i just signed a 1 year lease with this person can this trauma be a good reason for breaking the lease he can financially take over the place no problem but i am terrified of what this could turn into if i don't go my x and i were together for 14 years married the last 6 years i can't go through this again i won't i think i would feel better off alone he can't understand this and all he wants to do is change me fix me on his terms and time schedule i think i got enough to worry about without him adding to it makes me want to drink but that would not solve any thing just make things worse i just wanna cry all day i have not had a good cry lately but that can lead to depressing myself what am i gonna do when will this be over so i can feel normal or at least healthy again?