Breathing

I woke up this morning really early, 5:30 am. I couldn't get back to sleep so I went to 24 hour fitness. I don't know, I don't think it helped my anxiety or depression. Maybe I wasn't on there long enough. I was on the treadmill for 23 minuets and the elliptical for 12 minuets. I got frustrated with exercising and I left earlier than usual. Now I am just tired and depressed. I have to see a nurse practitioner today for more medication and I am seeing Nuboku to heal me. Then at 6 pm it is off to wok for me. Maybe all of these distractions will help. I keep looking at the place where I cut myself and have to resist not to do it again. I cry often now and I don't care. I wish I would have never taken this job, it may be too much anxiety for me right now. I am about to go over the edge again and I am trying my hardest to avoid it. I know most of you know how hard it is to come out of this. I have to dig deeper to get to the sunshine. I am really nervous about work tonight and the fact that they expect absolute perfection. At least tonight I am with a mentor who will help me step by step. I have to go eat something. I will write later.