breaking things down into two sides of a coin

I'm realizing for myself that I have struggled with having personal feelings

and then sought out social structures when I sense fear, a breach or an upset.

I don't know if this makes sense but I am not so good with my personal feelings.

If I do focus on them I usually don't make a good social decision. I can be

real reserved in social situations and start to bristle and not be so sociable.

So it's like I have been challenged to live in the social dynamic of the world

and my personal feelings, simultaneously. If I get hurt or angry I then have

to shift over to the social aspect of things and be careful.

It's just a battle between the two mindsets that has been something that

I have been bridging unconsciously for so long. I feel like now I've found my voice

now and can deal with the pain that happens both in conversation

and social realities. I hope this makes sense. My friend Jan described it

as a never ending battle - but I think it's something I understand better now.

With understanding comes more manageability and good resolve.

God willing! :)