Breaking the facade of strength...

I am about to call one of my friends from school and tell her what has been going on with me. I have not told anyone. Not my cousin, my mom, my closer friends (roommates, anyone from high school), what has been going on w/ me for the past year. I have told absolutely no one but school administration and medical staff, and I am about to tell someone. I've kept it in for so long because I feel ashamed....
I made an appointment with a therapist I used to see w/ my fam's insurance. I don't know if I am still covered, but I don't care; I need to see someone too badly not to go. It might end up being $220 out of pocket an hour, but I'll just have to borrow and see it as a lifesaving investment/intervention. 
I made an appointment with a counsellor, but I have to wait until November 1st. 
I need a new referral to see a psychiatrist. I stopped seeing mine because I had a crush on him and I believed it was unhealthy for me to continue seeing him. Now I find out it's really common -according to google, anyway- to get a crush on your psychiatrist when you first see them? .... And that I should have either brought it up or asked to see another doctor for exactly that reason? Is this true? 
I literally felt consumed by this crush for so long. I spent so much time trying to find information about him, and though I know very little, it's still way more than I have ANY business knowing at all.