breaking heart
two years ago i got a divorce he was verbally emotionally psychologically abusive the only thing i had to help keep me going were my/our 2cats ming and shang they always knew when i needed them in the divorce he kept the cats saying i was unfit and too eratic to take care of them well truth is his mom paid for the litter food and toys for them she also did his laundry grocery shopping etc he would not drive me to the laundry mat she had to and she let him shit all over everone not saying a word to him ever after 14 yrs together last 6 married what a mistake that was anyway today almost two years later i still mourn the loss of the cats not the marriage i had a heart attack feb3 2011 it was in april i decided no more i deserved way better the day i demanded the divorce my uncle-aunts husband-passed i got the news minutes after demanding freedom the divorce was final the same weekend i was molested b my father i had had pets all my life they were the onl comfort and love i could get that was just love no conditions just love now its almost two years later no pets and just wishing that i had one of my boys to cuddle with and hold the way they would come up to me when i cried sniff my tears then rub against my face and lay next to me their mama i live in a place that doesnt allow pets i suppose i could try to get one as a therapy pet condition but would need a pet deposit i feel so guilty for abandoning my boys they wouldnt understand their daddy kept them from me just that i left how can a person take away the only thing you have ever had in your life that never left or hurt you for no reason other than to be a cruel hateful spiteful person.i can never forgive that but am afraid that if i get another cat that too like everything else in my life has been taken from me !just stick a knife in my back and heart and call me beaten i dont know how much pain i can handle these days so i think i will do what i normally do when i am sobbing my eyes out take an ativan and go to sleep some days it is not worth it to even get out of bed or even want to wake up
Replies
Hang in there girl, as a man I feel I must apologize for those other men who throw there honour and integrity out the window when they go through a divorce. Why can\'t they be strong like you women and not succumb to their angry. I vowed to myself if I every go through that, I\'ll do my very best to remain kind and supportive through the whole process. I refuse to turn that pain into anger. I feel for you in regards to your cats, i\'m a dog person but I know how lost I felt without them(had 3out of the4 dogs all die a week apart of each other, a few years back), I was truly devastated. Now we have four again, with one being my wifes. When you feel you can\'t take another step forward, simply crawl, you\'ll get to where you need to be eventually. You\'re in my prayers. Blaine