breathe

well it is officially monday so at 2 pm i have court today!!! today my father is being sentenced i am going to go and read my victim impact statement to the court. fuck am i nervous-sorry about the language-but i realy am it has bee near 3 years now court had been pushed back and changed now finally it is here the day i get to have my voice heard to let it be known that this has destroyed my entire self i have questioned my sanity my strength my thoughts my feelings even my memories have been questioned throughout this thing i am in sort of a daze in a way in some ways it does not feel like it is real that this part is here my day in court to put my foot down i am not so good with words at the moment and i hope that this is making some sort of sense is it i feel that i am taking back the power i feel i lost or that i never stood up for myself in the past so now that i am and have i am making a major statement of sorts ??? all i know is that today i feel that i am facing a major battle with this huge army behind me an army that i could never see before and that is a major thing for me i dont think i have much fear he cant hurt me more than he has already do i dare to say i feel good i dont know i am eager to hear the words "you have hereby been sentenced to ......" and then the wonderful sound of the galva being dropped will be the sweetest sound i may not agree with the terms totally etc. but he will not have gotten away with what he did and that will be a huge reward in itself that i helped protect someone else!!!
WISH ME LUCK