Bottom of the pile

Well here we go again. I am now on attempt 3 and the doctor's can't seem to get me pregnant. I have an appointment set up for August 5th to go over invitro and everything that is part of it. I am also quickly approaching my second due date of august 13th. I have to listen and endure my boss complaining nonstop about being pregnant and approaching her own due date. I am tired of her complaints and sighs when all I wish is to be pregnant again.
Then I get another jerk into realty of that my brother knows the sex of their second child. She who had nothing in her reserve can get pregnant so easily and have nothing go wrong and me... I lose evverything. I can't even have one child and she gets two. Where is the fairness in that? Am I to be a childless mother? Am I never to hold a baby in my arms that I know is mine that I felt grow inside of me? It seems that I am beyond fixing because they don't know exactly how to fix me. I am trying so hard to move forward and keep going but righ tnow I just feel like sitting in a corner and crying. I feel like the world has left me alone because I stiffened my upper lip and kept moving forward. I am at the bottom of the pile when it comes to everyone. No one realizes that pain continues. There is no limitation and oh in a year it will be gone.  I have to now face losing my second baby. The baby that past away inside and my own body didn't know it. My family mentions my brothers pregnancy like it was nothing like it would hit me or hurt me.  I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs for them to shut up and never mention it again but instead I nod. I have created such a monster because I tried to show the world how brave I was. Stupid me. I want to shut the world out. I want to lock to doors, throw out all phones and just sleep. I want to sleep and cry so much that even when I thought I had cried all I had inside, there still seem to be more.  I just want the pain to stop. I want it to go away and I want to be able to be me again.
I have been going through non stop treatments since March. Taking injections into my stomach and my back. Going almost daily for bloodwork and still I don't seem any closer to my heart's dream. Part of me knows that if I don't keep going and trying that I will just let time elaspe until years have gone by.
I just want a baby.  I miss my two little ones so much. How can any of this seem fair. How can any of this be right? So much pain when others get so much joy when they see they are pregnant? I am beginning to lose all hope.