borderline under water

ok well things for the past two weeks have been hell but two days ago theyve been good yet bad then good then bad then good then bad again.  where im living its like I talk to people like im ok really im not. so for two examples When I spend time with my friend Quinten I talk to him like its all good everythings fine when really its not Im hiding alot of pain.  And that leaves example number two when I talk to my girls Samia Maryanne and Chrissy its the same as the above.  Im such an enigma Its like the other person has to figure me out cause I cant manage to have a conversation Im not socialable.  I try but im struggling  Last night I managed to have an ok conversation with Quinten but It led both of us in tears He brought back fucking flashbacks when i was younger.  Its so hard to continue this because im crying trying to finish this journal.  Ive found a boyfriend his name is antoine hes soooo awsome and he treats me ok